


blossom.jp

by midnightquestant



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Coming Out, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Drug Use, Extremely Dubious Consent, Internalized Biphobia, Internalized Homophobia, Male Compensated Dating, Masturbation, Multi, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, PLEASE pay attention to archive warnings, Sexting, Yuuri-centric, also please read notes especially on chapter one, and i am trying to make that abundantly clear, basically child prostitution, child grooming, i dont want anyone who is trying to avoid those things getting into this, its gross, older men hit on yuuri often, some internalized sexism, there will be more ships and characters as the story progresses but im trying to avoid spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-07-06 04:58:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15879030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightquestant/pseuds/midnightquestant
Summary: Yuuri Katsuki wants to make friends. That's all he ever wanted. But one thing led to another and things snowballed out of control.He was never supposed to let it get out of control.He was so, so sorry.





	1. Risk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> please be aware that non-con/rape and underage are heavy themes in this, not for the purpose of glorifying them, but to do the opposite. i hope that comes across throughout the story.
> 
> thanks for reading if you can bear with me this time. this is far more intense and explicit than anything i've done in the past, so please be aware. this is NOT wholesome by any stretch of the word.
> 
> tw: mentions of underage

Yuuri was quiet. He didn't really have any friends besides Yuuko and Takeshi, and they were in high school, probably dating as Yuuri's felt like a third wheel for quite some time. He was a baby compared to them. A kid still in junior high while Yuuko was about to become a senior in high school.

  
At least Yuuri was going to become a high school student as well this year. Yuuri, the high school freshman. It sounded lame, but he liked it. It made him seem bigger.  
'Maybe if I looked less like I never slept, people would like me more. The popular kids are always lively.' Yuuri thought as he walked to the train station. He had looked down on popular kids for a while, but now he gets it. Popularity gives you power and power keeps away bullies. Or, at least popularity gives you the ability to deflect them.

  
Yuuri was going to a high school in Fukuoka. He had only chosen that one because that's where Yuuko went. That's the same reason Takeshi chose to go there too. Yuuko went because she thought the classes would be fun and the uniforms were cute. She's kept that opinion.

  
Yuuri had asked Yuuko what the high school was like, and she would always gush about how much she loved it. Takeshi would complain about the teachers but would say that the sports festival was always something to look forward to. The school went all out. Yuuri had never been good at sports, but he figured he'd get some enjoyment out of it. He didn't mind running. His endurance made it a more enjoyable experience than most sports were for him.

  
'Maybe I should run more. I'm starting to get big again' Yuuri thought, looking down at his stomach as he kept walking. His shirt bunched around it from where it had been tucked into his trousers, but the trousers are where the problem was. You could see his stomach be pressed ever so slightly and bulge out from under his belt. Yuuri cringed, gathered up his school bag in his hands, and ran the rest of the way to the train station. His thoughts began to spiral down. He decided not to wait for his friends and went straight home, pulling out his phone and sending them both quick messages telling them not to wait up and that he'd already gone home.

  
Yuuri ran home too, trying to enjoy the burn in his lungs after running nearly a mile straight. He didn't want to be fat in high school. Fat kids weren't liked.  
When he got home, he was gasping for air. He usually could run without any problems, but perhaps having a knot in your throat while you ran made breathing difficult.

  
"You okay, Yuuri?" Mari asked as she walked by the door. Mari was Yuuri's older sister and probably his biggest influence. He looked up to her. Sure, they fought and quarrelled and she had somehow punched a hole through his door to get a hit at him when they were younger, but she was also everything Yuuri aspired to be. Confident and nonchalant. Nothing bothered her. Yuuri hadn't seen a tear when she broke up with her last boyfriend, the one that had been hitting her, the bastard, but then again, she was in her room the whole day. Yuuri only saw her when she had come back home, fuming.

  
"Y-yeah, I'm fine. I just ran from the train station to here." Yuuri gasped a little more, but his breath was starting to calm down.

  
"Why? Have a death wish or something? Jogging, maybe, but your running is practically sprinting." Mari joked. Yuuri chuckled a little.

  
"Hey, Mari? Were you popular in high school?" He asked, putting his bag up on the hook behind the counter. Mari hummed for a moment.

  
"Not particularly, but I had a decent amount of friends." She responded, "Why, you wanna know my secret?"

  
"Yes, actually. I want to have more friends than just Yuuko and Takeshi. They'll always be some of my best friends, but Yuuko is graduating this year and Takeshi is going to be in the senior building next year, which is all the way across the school and I'll be lonely for the first time." Yuuri fretted.

  
"Well, first things first, you shouldn't worry so much. Just go with it. And take risks. If you don't you'll regret it. I missed out on a lot in high school because I was too cautious sometimes, and you're worse than I was." Mari said, stopping him from saying anything more.

  
Yuuri had never been a risk taker. The closest thing to a risk he had ever taken was when he decided to go on a rollercoaster with Mari after drinking something the time they went to Kuono Park with their cousins and aunt when they were little kids, and he regretted immediately, puking into a trash can as soon as the ride was over.  
Maybe now was a time to change.

  
"Should I start wearing my hair back? And my contacts instead or something?" Yuuri asked, messing with his hair a little. He had always had a slight wave in his hair. Mari did too. It came from their dad, since their mother had perfectly straight hair, like so many other people. Yuuri hated it. It made his hair always look shaggy and messy, no matter what he did. Pushing it back made it look like it was on purpose. But, pushing his hair back meant not wearing his glasses. He had always looked stupid that way. That's why he insisted on getting contacts. His parents had finally given in and gotten him a contacts prescription, which he thanked them endlessly for.

  
"If you want. I don't see why you shouldn't." Mari replied. "Any other questions, ask mom or dad. I'm going out for a smoke and then I have to take over the evening shift." Mari said, stretching her arms above her head. Yuuri sighed as she walked out of the door to the side of the building.

  
Yuuri figured he'd just start wearing his hair back and wearing his contacts more often. He might even steal a little eyeliner from Mari's makeup bag and see how that went. Or maybe not. He was a boy, not a girl.

  
Yuuri got lost in the thought of what high school would be like and was only shoved out of his haze when his mother shooed him from the reception centre to start his homework.

  
"Go on now, Yuu-chan. You're almost in high school. You need to stay on top of your work." She would say. Yuuri would roll his eyes, but only once he knew she couldn't see him do it. He'd still go do his homework, but he was never excited about it.

  
\--

  
High school came quicker than Yuuri expected. He had started wearing his hair back every day and wearing his contacts instead of his glasses. So far, it was working.

  
"Wow, Yuuri. You look like a different person." Yuuko and Takeshi had said. Strangers had given him similar praise. He was interesting and charming.  
He revelled in the praise everyone gave him. Yes, he did look like a different person. A more attractive, funnier, more pleasant person. He loved it.

  
Yuuri was talking with his friends during break when he had heard about it first. His friends were all talking about weekend plans when he had overheard the conversation. A girl, Meiko, had turned down an outing with her friends because she had work that afternoon. Her friends asked what kind of work, and that's when they became hushed and quiet.

  
"I'm getting money off of spending time with miserable, old married men. They're complete pushovers." Meiko had said. "All you have to do is sign up on the website and they'll come in floods."

  
"How much are you making?" Another girl, Sayo, had asked.

  
"About 55 thousand yen per date. I could probably get more if I let them touch me a little, but I don't know." Meiko replied. Her friends asked how they could get in on the scheme, and Meiko answered with a website.

  
Www.blossom.jp

  
Yuuri thought about it all day. Could someone really get that much off of some guy? And wasn't it mean to contribute to some man cheating on his wife? Why would a girl do that?

  
Yuuri supposed it made sense. You made money off of having a man spend money on you, and in return, you make him feel wanted. A mutually beneficial relationship when done discreetly. And 55,000 yen was a lot of money. And if Meiko does it multiple times a week, she could be pulling in who knows how much. It sounded like a convenient deal.

  
Meiko had mentioned that she never had to worry about being outed. The men always brought her to the nice side of town, and always drove her to her street, stealthily dropping her off. If they did something she didn't like, she just had to threaten them with the police or the man's wife. They wouldn't tell a soul then.  
Yuuri momentarily wondered if he could get away with that. He had a phone, so he could text them. His uncle had gotten him a laptop a year ago he could use to get on the website.

  
But, he was a boy. Yuuri wasn't even sure if boys were allowed to be with men like that or if they'd ever even be wanted by those men. Most high school boys, including Yuuri, were beginning to get sharp edges and gain height. They weren't exactly cute and small. Yuuri still had a lot of soft corners, looked a little feminine and was somewhat short (he was beginning to tower over his parents ever since his growth spurt over the summer, but he wasn't the tallest person). Maybe he could pretend to be a girl.

  
Yuuri wasn't even sure they'd at least ignore him, much less be kind to him. Yuuri figured he liked boys for a while now, even if he liked girls too. He could hide behind 'I like girls' for his entire life. No one had to know about the boy he kissed at a school dance in junior high. He didn't even remember that boy's face, only his name, Toujou. He wasn't a good kiss either.

  
His first kiss had been with a girl named Yuki, who had moved away last year to live with her mother in Tokyo. They 'dated' momentarily, but broke up a little less than a week later. It was a pitiful excuse for a relationship, but he did like her. She was a very pretty girl, with long, straight hair and expressive eyes, lighter than Yuuri's near-black-but-not-quite ones. They were thirteen when that happened.

  
Yuuri's first crush had been on a girl, too. He had gotten a crush on Yuuko when he was twelve, embarrassingly enough. That is why Yuuri didn't understand. Why couldn't his body pick a side? Everything was confusing. He was supposed to like girls or at least just be attracted to boys alone. Why was that so difficult to do?

  
Yuuri huffed, tired of thinking about it. He tried to push everything to the back of his head as he walked to the train station with Yuuko and Takeshi. They were holding hands. They were definitely dating. Yuuri felt a little sting of jealousy, but he kept quiet. At least he was still being included in the conversation and didn't feel too left out by them.

  
"So, Yuuri, how do you like high school so far?" Yuuko asked. Yuuri smiled.

  
"I think I like it so far. Everyone's been nice." He answered. No one mentioned his weight because he'd exercised more and had a growth spurt over the summer, making him lose quite a few pounds. No one mentioned that he was from Almost Nowhere Hasetsu because Yuuko was top of her class and gymnastics star, Takeshi was a sports beast and Yuuri was beginning to make it known that he was fairly intelligent in his own regard, excelling in English and science. Being from Hasetsu meant nothing.

  
"That's good. Maybe there is power in contacts." Takeshi joked, giving Yuuri a slight punch on the back. He was practically twice Yuuri's size, made out of almost pure muscle. The punch was barely anything, but it sent Yuuri laughing and tripping forward.

  
When they made it back to Hasetsu, Yuuko and Takeshi said they were going to go on their own. Yuuri smirked a little, teasing, and told them to have fun as he jogged off home, even though Yuuko stuck out her tongue at him until he was out of sight.

  
That left Yuuri alone with the thoughts of Blossom.jp again. There was a temptation to at least try it. If he just didn't show his face in the pictures and said he was from Fukuoka, he might be able to actually do something or at least damage control if someone at school were to find the account.

  
Yuuri went straight to his laptop when he got home, bringing it, his phone and a tight set of clothes into the bathroom and locking the door behind him. He took a picture of himself in the tight black turtleneck that looked like it had jumped from the 90s and his tightest set of jeans. His face was cleverly put just above view in the picture, only a coy smile in view, like some of the girls he'd seen on the site had done. There was only a tile wall behind him with no identifying features. No one would know it was him.  
He set up his account, calling himself 'Eros'. He'd always loved Greek mythology. Eros was the embodiment of lust and sex and even considered a protector of homosexual love between men, but that was debated. Eros was a sexy, yet comforting name in Yuuri's opinion.

  
His account said he was fifteen, almost sixteen. He charged 33,000 yen for a date but would charge extra if they wanted to touch him. He hoped that would deter them from trying it. He was 'Open to Experiences' though. At least, that was the option he picked. He didn't want to look like a prude. It would pointless then.

  
How much could this really hurt? After all, wasn't he supposed to take some risks?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay here we are. i know i have like,,, 3 unfinished works on my profile, but i finished reading 177013 (don't look it up unless you want your day and life ruined) and this was kind of inspired by that, but not much. there's some stark differences between the two stories, but also a lot of similarities.
> 
> i don't want to give away too much, but always pay attention to the tw at the beginning of each chapter. there also is a political thought behind this; addiction is awful, abuse is even worse, and compensated dating is disgusting.
> 
> thanks to everyone who read. i'm scared to post this bc of how graphic it is, but if i can't stone up post something graphic every once in a while, what kind of non-wholesome author am i?
> 
> i hope to see you all again soon on this painful rollercoaster


	2. You've Got Mail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: underage, sexting (kind of)
> 
> if you think i need to add more, please tell me

  
It had been nearly a week since Yuuri's Blossom account had been made. He hadn't gotten any texts or propositions. He hated to sound vain, but he was disappointed. He wanted to be noticed. Yuuri put so much work into looking good for the now two extra photos he'd put up of himself. One of them showed off a little bit of his waist. It was a pale blue shirt, one of his favourites, but he was beginning to grow out of it. It was comfortable enough, but pulled taut against his waist, showing off his newly achieved narrowness. It rode up a little to show the pale skin on his hip.

The other picture was him in his black shirt again, but this time he was turned to the side. The picture screamed 'hey, look, I have a flat stomach just like those girls!' It was pathetic.

He thought he looked good at the time, but now he was burning in embarrassment. Did he look cheap or something? Was his price too high?

All of those worries came to a halt once he started getting messages. He got messages from three different men when he was in class, which he checked on his break. He had gone up to the roof, telling his friends he needed a second alone, that his mother had texted him, wondering if he had forgotten his schoolwork, and wanted him to call. He lied through his teeth. He couldn't tell anyone about Blossom.

  
The first message was from a man called 'Hachi'.

_**Hachi0889** : Hello, beautiful._   
_**Eros^^** : hi!_

Yuuri hoped he didn't look dumb, but it soon said that Hachi was typing, so he couldn't have been too turned off.

_**Hachi0889** : I'm glad you messaged back, but shouldn't you be in school right now?_   
_**Eros^^** : i'm on break :) so don't worry_

Yuuri had heard these men liked cute, innocent teens, and Yuuri could play that part well.

_**Hachi0889** : Well, as long as you're on break, I guess it's alright. But I like good, smart boys. Don't get distracted by me too much._   
_**Eros^^** : lol i won't. i'm a good boy, i promise ;)_

Yuuri cringed at himself. Did he seriously just write that? Well, Hachi seemed to like it. It couldn't hurt, Yuuri guessed, to suck up to a weird preference.

_**Hachi0889** : I'm sure you are, gorgeous._   
_**Hachi0889** : I've been in high school, I know break doesn't last long, so I'll let you go soon. Would you like to meet up on Friday night? I'll take you to the nice side of Fukuoka. I doubt anyone from school will see you._

Yuuri pondered. Should he? After making the account, Yuuri went and bought mace, just in case he'd need it, so he should be safe, and few men in their right minds would hurt a boy and leave him. They'd be accused of assault and homosexual acts and their reputations would be ruined, and Yuuri knew reputation was the most important thing to a businessman.

_**Eros^^** : sure! i've never been to the nice side of the city before. i can't wait!! (~￣³￣)~ see u on friday_

Yuuri scrolled through the next messages. One was from a man who called himself 'BigDick' completely in English. Yuuri groaned and deleted it. He wouldn't fall that low. The other one was from a man who called himself 'Kyle'. Yuuri couldn't help but get dragged into the possibly exotic appeal the name implied.

_**Kyle00** : Hey there :)_   
_**Eros^^** : hey :)_

Kyle texted back almost instantly.

_**Kyle00** : You look cute ;)_   
_**Kyle00** : Classier than most boys on here. It is a girl's world, huh_   
_**Eros^^** : hehe, thanks! i never really thought of myself as classy, but i appreciate it. i'm just a boy on the internet_

Yuuri was genuinely flattered by Kyle. He was worried the people on Blossom would think he was a dirty slut, but they'd only called him nice things so far. This wasn't too bad.

_**Kyle00** : Humble too. You're a jackpot, darling._   
_**Eros^^** : aaa ur flattering me too much! my head will explode if it gets any bigger (☍﹏⁰)_   
_**Kyle00** : I can't flatter you too much. I bet you're beautiful even with a blown up head_   
_**Eros^^** : lol_

Time was passing, but if he typed fast, he could get in his questions before he went back to class.  
  
_**Kyle00** : Is your username from the Greek gods?_  
 _ **Eros^^** : ya thank you for noticing! no one's ever mentioned it before :0 i've always loved Greek myths._  
 _ **Eros^^** : are u american?? srry i had to ask!!_  
 _ **Kyle00** : Kinda. My mom is American but my dad is Japanese. I moved to Japan from California a few years ago_  
 _ **Eros^^** : oooo that's cool!! california seems amazing! i'm just a boring local :(_  
 _ **Kyle00** : Locals are cute <3_  
 _ **Eros^^** : stop it!!! lol i have to get back to class but i'll text u after school :) until then mister american_

Yuuri smiled and put his phone away. Yuuri liked Kyle. He was thoughtful, from what he knew, and didn't even ask about meeting up, and they had talked a lot.

It seemed like the guys on the site liked his cutesy high schooler talk. He didn't mind talking like that to them either. He'd do anything to prove he was better than what they thought he was. He was ready to give into their needs, just as much as they'd give into his. That was an important principle. The customer was always right.

Yuuri walked back into the classroom just before break ended.

"Sorry! My mom got to talking. She talks quite a bit." He sighed, feigning exhaustion as he got back in his desk. Break was only fifteen minutes, so it wasn't unbelievable. Most of his friends laughed a little before getting into their seats and letting class resume.

Yuuri couldn't stop thinking about Hachi and Kyle. They were gentlemen, Yuuri was sure of it. They were so nice to him. His heart was swollen with all of their praise.

Yuuri was excited for Friday. He would wear the red jacket over another one of his black sweaters. It wouldn't be as tight as the one in his pictures, but it wouldn't be loose either. Enough to leave some things to the imagination. He'd wear the dark jeans that rose above his hips to cinch and narrow up his waist just a little bit more. He would wear those nice black boots in the black of his closet, the ones he hardly ever wore. He'd wear his hair down, but no glasses.

He would look good. He wanted to look cute. All for Hachi, the man who called him gorgeous. Yuuri grinned a little again and hoped he wasn't noticeably blushing as he scribbled down notes and worked on school papers.

\--

Once Yuuri was home, he instantly checked to see if Hachi or Kyle had texted him. Hachi hadn't sent anything, but Kyle had sent a video of a cute dog. Yuuri smiled brightly as he watched the video. It reminded him of Vicchan, his mini poodle.

_**Eros^^** : that was cute<3 thank you for the smiles_   
_**Eros^^** : do you like dogs?_   
_**Kyle00** : Yeah, I do. I have a golden retriever myself. Do you have a dog?_   
_**Eros^^** : yeah i have a miniature poodle. he's a handful but i love him ^v^_   
_**Kyle00** : Aww I bet he's adorable._   
_**Kyle00** : Just like you ;)_   
_**Eros^^** : lol no he's way cuter than me. my baby will always be cuter than me u3u_

Kyle didn't text back within a couple of minutes, but he did get a message from Hachi. While Kyle was sweet and silly, Hachi was mature. Yuuri liked it.

_**Hachi0889** : How are you, darling? School should be out by now._   
_**Eros^^** : i'm good thank you! yeah, i just got home._   
_**Hachi0889** : Did you now? What do you like doing at home?_   
_**Eros^^** : idk i help my parents with work at their inn and i do homework. that's about it lol_   
_**Hachi0889** : Are you doing anything right now?_   
_**Eros^^** : nothing but texting you, why?_   
_**Hachi0889** : I was wondering if I could get a picture of you to tide me over until Friday. You can keep your clothes on and you don't have to show your face, but can you wear your school uniform for me?_

Yuuri squirmed. A mature man was asking him for pictures of himself. He thinks Yuuri is attractive. Yuuri grinned but had to ask a question first.

_**Eros^^** : is it okay if i take off my blazer? it has my school crest on it and i wanna have some privacy :*_   
_**Hachi0889** : Absolutely, beautiful. Anything to make you comfortable._

Yuuri got up, locking himself in the bathroom again. He'd taken his blazer off when he got home and left it hanging on his door hook in his bedroom. He used his phone to take the picture, giving a shy smile, but leaving the rest of his face out of shot.

_**Eros^^** sent an image!_  
 _ **Eros^^** : how's this hachi??_  
 _ **Hachi0889** : God, you're beautiful. Pretty little smile._  
 _ **Eros^^** : thank you!! sorry my shirt a little wrinkled. its been under my blazer all day. the weather is starting to get cold_  
 _ **Hachi0889** : Don't worry about the wrinkles. You look so good in that. You do things to me._  
  
Yuuri knew what he meant, but his vain craving for validation led him to ask, to play dumb.

_**Eros^^** : hehe like what??_   
_**Hachi0889** : You make me so hard, sweet thing. I want you._

Yuuri moved his thighs a bit. He had never been complimented like that before, especially not from a man with so much experience. It felt... really good. Yuuri didn't say that, though. He did scurry off back to his room, however, for privacy.

_**Eros^^** : i'm glad ⁽˙³˙⁾ but my parents want me to go help them, so i'll talk to you tomorrow! and see you on friday ;)_   
_**Hachi0889** : I'll miss you. Until then, gorgeous._

Yuuri turned off his phone and lay back against his mattress. Hachi was turned on by him. He didn't even have to be naked. The man genuinely thought Yuuri looked good. Good enough to get hard. Yuuri squirmed around again, feeling himself get warm. He was enough for a mature man who had so many other options. He wanted Yuuri over those people.

Yuuri put a hand down on his crotch. He couldn't help it. Maybe he'd take a picture and send it to Hachi sometime. Or maybe even to Kyle. Kyle made him feel things too, but more in his heart. Kyle seemed more like someone he'd want to date more than anything.

Yuuri's thoughts went back to what he did to Hachi. He rubbed gentle circles over himself. He relaxed a bit as the touch became needier. He was eventually pulling at himself through his clothes. He thought about Hachi or Kyle touching him through his pants. He'd only just started talking to them, but he already wanted them. He wanted to them to touch him all over. He knew he was gross, but at that moment, he didn't care.

Yuuri came almost embarrassingly soon, but he felt good and relaxed. He knew he'd finish even faster if Hachi or Kyle were to touch him. He had felt his own hand before, and it was inexperienced and unsure. They would know how to make him feel even better.

As Yuuri sat there, his thoughts began to spiral. He was disgusting, craving older men like this. He hated it. Especially men he had barely met and had certainly never seen in person. But, his body didn't seem to care what he thought.

If anyone found out, he'd be outcasted for sure. Meiko didn't do it because she was attracted to the men she went out with. She did it because she got money off of them. For Yuuri, it was different. Sure, he'd take the money, but there was more to it. He was absolutely awful. Sick in the head. Crazy. Stupid. Slutty. Disgusting.

The only thing strong enough at that moment to pull him out of his self-loathing haze was the feeling of his own fluids beginning to grow cold under his clothes. Yuuri groaned, getting up and retrieving a pair of briefs from his dresser and picking his sweatpants up from the floor. He locked his bedroom door, which, to Yuuri's mortification, he didn't think to do before his little moment. He slid the now soiled briefs down his legs. He used a few tissues to clean himself off with a grimace and pulled his clean underwear on instead, instantly feeling better. He buried the old ones deep into his hamper, putting his school trousers on top of the container. He needed to hide all of the evidence.

Yuuri decided to switch out of his school shirt too, changing into a hoodie, bypassing putting a shirt on under it. He liked the feeling of especially loose clothing.

Yuuri went back to his bed. No notifications or messages on Blossom. No new praise. He was alone again.

Yuuri opened his door and whistled for Vicchan, who quickly came bounding towards Yuuri. He'd always be there for him.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you enjoyed this installment. yuuri seems completely oblivious to what he's getting himself into, doesn't he?
> 
> pro tip: don't send photos of yourself to guys who are probably older than ur dad, and especially not when theyre turned on by u being in your school uniform.
> 
> i hope this made you uncomfortable. that was the plan. this situation is uncomfortable and its only gonna get worse as the story progresses.
> 
> if there are any spelling errors or formatting errors, pls tell me. i use grammarly but forgot to turn it off before putting in my rich text and it fucked it all up.
> 
> thanks for reading!! i always appreaciate feedback ;)


	3. Grown-Up Slushie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: underage drinking, underage, explicit sexual content, blatant pedophilia(?)/ehebephilia, extremely dubious consent (both on grounds of age and intoxication)
> 
> if i need to add more to the tw list, please tell me 
> 
> (this already looks shitty doesnt it? good.)

It was finally Friday and Yuuri couldn't keep his excitement down. He smiled the whole day. Luckily, that wasn't bizarre for him anymore. He could smile and people wouldn't think he was delirious, even if he was, and wouldn't ask anything about it. He could just have some private excitement.

He had gotten his outfit ready before he left for school. He ended up changing out his red jacket for a nicer brown one he found hiding away in his closet while he rummaged for his shoes. The red one seemed too casual if Hachi was taking him to the nice side of Fukuoka and he wanted to fit in at least a little.  
  
Yuuri didn't tell his family where he was going or who he'd be with, just that he'd be out for a while after school after coming home to change, but he'd be back before nine at night. He felt a little bad lying right into his own mother's face, but he did what he needed to. He arranged that time with Hachi, too. He agreed with no argument.

So, all day Yuuri bounced on the heels of his feet, excited and giddy. He worked without an issue, ready to finish the day and get ready for his date. He was embarrassed by his eagerness to hang out with a 'miserable old man' as Meiko would call him, but he couldn't help it. Hachi had grown on him throughout the week. The man showered him with endless praise and didn't make him send any other pictures than the one he had already sent. He was so understanding and agreeable.

Yuuri also talked more with Kyle, but it was more casual than it was with Hachi. They talked about Vicchan, California (on Yuuri's request) and so many more things. They felt like friends, except Yuuri's friend called him cute and beautiful and the like. He liked it this way, but he wouldn't mind growing closer with Kyle and meeting him in person.

Yuuri had also toned it down on the cutesy act. Of course, he still played the innocent, naive teenage boy, but it was more casual now, with Hachi and Kyle.

Yuuri talked to Kyle during his break instead of Hachi. He couldn't help it. Hachi had his entire evening, so he could wait.

_**Kyle00** : So, you actually like school?_  
_**Eros^^** : yeah i guess. its okay. why? did u hate it or something?_  
_**Kyle00** : Ugh I despised school_  
_**Eros^^** : oh no!! were people mean to you or something?_  
_**Kyle00** : Yeah, the teachers. They made fun of me for stupid shit._  
_**Eros^^** : that sucks. i'm sorry ;^;_  
_**Kyle00** : Don't be. You had no part in it. Just douchey teachers. I assume your teachers are cool._  
_**Eros^^** : yea my teacher is pretty nice. he's a little strict, but he's not unbearable._  
_**Kyle00** : Are any other kids mean to you?_  
_**Eros^^** : no not really. im not liked by everyone, but no ones really mean to me or anything. kids in middle school made fun of me for being a little chubby, but i lost my baby fat pretty quick and i dont even think any of them go to my high school_  
_**Kyle00** : That's good. No one is allowed to be mean to you._  
_**Eros^^** : would u protect me, mister american :0_  
_**Kyle00** : Yeah of course I would._

Yuuri reluctantly said goodbye and put his phone away. He used different excuses every time he went to go text Kyle or Hachi. This time he just hung out in the back and said he wanted to be alone that day, but everything was okay. People didn't question it.

When school ended, Yuuri almost squealed. Yuuko and Takeshi were going out somewhere by themselves, so he didn't need to wait up for them. He jogged to the train station and was buzzing the whole way home. He quickly changed into his clothes and yelled a quick 'see you later' to his family and headed straight back to Fukuoka.

_**Eros^^** : hey!! im on my way to the place. ur still picking me up from that shopping centre place right??_  
_**Hachi0889** : Of course. What will you be wearing? I want to be able to spot you._  
_**Eros^^** : i'll be in a brown coat and a black shirt. it was cold when i left home so i also have a blue scarf on ;) ill be waiting hachi_  
_**Hachi0889** : I'll be there soon, beautiful. I drive a grey Camry. I'll stop right in front. There's a decal on the back of it for my daughter's college._

Yuuri smiled as he got off of the train. He went straight for the shopping centre, assuming he'd have time to get there on foot. He felt a little weird about going to see a man who was easily old enough to be his father, if not older, but who cares. Hachi liked him and he doubted anything bad would happen.

He was wrong about having time to get there. The grey Camry was already parked outside of the centre when he arrived and he could see the Fukuoka Uni decal on the back. Yuuri ran to save at least a few minutes, nervous and a little humiliated. He texted Hachi quickly, just to make sure he was running towards the right car and wasn't about to expose both himself and Hachi.

_**Eros^^** : hey u here? i think i see u but i wanna be sure_  
_**Hachi0889** : Yes, I am. I think I see you in the rear view mirror. Do you have the blue scarf pulled over your mouth?_  
_**Eros^^** : yeah i do!!! ill be over in a second._

Yuuri skipped and came over to the car, tapping on the window. It rolled down. Yuuri almost gaped at what he saw.  
  
Hachi was a completely average, older-middle-aged man, probably around his father's age, forty-eight. He wasn't particularly attractive, but he wasn't unattractive either. Just overwhelmingly plain and so different from what Yuuri had fantasized about. Yuuri had hoped he'd look like the older men in movies, with his hair that was greying just right. Hachi just had black hair and a receding hairline. Completely ordinary.

"Well, get in. We have a reservation to catch." Hachi said. His voice was a deep bass that rattled in Yuuri's chest, shaking him back into action.  
  
"Sorry. I was just surprised. I expected someone older, but you look pretty young compared to most guys on that site." Yuuri lied. He was older than what Yuuri expected. Hachi laughed.

"No need to flatter me, beautiful. Tonight is all about you." Hachi replied. Yuuri laughed in response. The praise still got him excited.

"I feel like I should have dressed nicer. You're here in near formal wear and I'm wearing a sweater and a scarf." Yuuri complained as they drove off. It was so alien, being in a car he'd never been in before. He felt a little off, but he didn't feel scared. It was just him getting comfortable in a new place.

"Don't worry, I just came from work. The restaurant is pretty casual. You're fine." Hachi assured him, putting a large hand on Yuuri's knee, stroking it a little before pulling away. Yuuri shrugged it off. He was inexperienced himself, but that didn't feel too wrong, just a little weird because this is the first time he'd met Hachi. It wasn't a big deal. 'Shake it off, Yuuri. Don't embarrass yourself,' Yuuri told himself.

Hachi went in without Yuuri to confirm reservations, probably to preserve his privacy, leaving Yuuri to think for a few moments about the situation. He didn't feel unsafe or anything. He felt a little strange because of how much older Hachi ended up being. But he did sign up for this, and Hachi didn't seem to be terrible. Hachi arrived after a few moments, interrupting Yuuri's train of thought, saying they'd have to wait for a table.

"I didn't expect it to be this crowded. I forget Fridays tend to be busy. Do you want to wait inside? It's getting cold." Hachi asked. Yuuri shook his head.

"I like the cold air. It feels nice when I breathe it in. I was born during a blizzard, did you know that?" Yuuri said, looking out at the city around them. It had snowed just a little the day before, but the only evidence of it was rock hard piles of grey snow on the side of the road and a few icicles hanging from the windows of buildings and parked cars.

"Were you? I was born just after a tsunami. I guess we almost have something in common." Hachi said, putting a hand on Yuuri's back. Yuuri tensed for a moment, but relaxed.

'This is fine, Yuuri. He's just putting his hand on your back. He's being a gentleman and making sure all vermin who would try to hurt you know they have to go through him. He's being a man,' Yuuri told himself. He wasn't sure how he felt about it, but he'd be okay. He'd make himself okay.  
  
Hachi brought Yuuri inside a few minutes later, saying that their reservation should be coming up shortly. Sure enough, it did, and Yuuri was led to a booth in the back of the restaurant. He was shocked to find that this restaurant didn't insist on removing shoes, but maybe that wasn't common in high or semi-high class places. Yuuri's parents never let someone wear outside shoes inside. He always got in trouble when he'd forget to slip his shoes off after cleaning the hot springs.

"Do you want any wine?" A waitress asked. Hachi looked at Yuuri expectantly. He didn't want to be rude, so he nodded. The waitress gave them a curious glance but said nothing. She came back shortly with a wine bottle and two glasses, and Hachi poured both glasses, against Yuuri's protests. Secretly, Yuuri was grateful. He wasn't sure how much even went into a wine glass if he was honest.

"Have you ever had alcohol before?" Hachi asked him, taking a sip, looking at Yuuri as he apprehensively stared into his glass. The only time he had any kind of alcohol was when Mari pranked him by putting a little vodka in his water, subsequently making him cough and whine to their mother about Mari messing with his water, being the ten-year-old he was. Now he was fifteen. He should be more willing to try it, but his sister had traumatized him.

"Only a little. I've never had wine." Yuuri said. He finally took a curious sip. It was a little fruity at first, but the alcohol quickly came through and Yuuri coughed just a little. It wasn't terrible, but he didn't really like it.  
  
Hachi chuckled at him as Yuuri reached for his napkin to cough into. It didn't feel like he was being laughed at, rather being laughed with. It felt genuinely good-natured. Yuuri smiled at him once his coughing fit was over.

"It's not what I was expecting. TV has led me to believe it tastes like cranberry juice. It doesn't." Yuuri joked. Hachi laughed again and finally opened his menu, gesturing for Yuuri to do the same.

"Pick anything you'd like. I don't mind spending money on you, Eros." He said once he noticed Yuuri beginning to look worried as he scanned the menu. Why was everything so expensive?

Yuuri eventually settled on simple seafood. The restaurant was near the harbour and sold almost exclusively seafood. Hachi got some kind of shellfish, Yuuri hadn't been paying attention. He was slowly feeling everything get hazier as he drank more and more of his wine. He wasn't drunk. Yet, at least. He could still think, but he felt a new warmth trickling through his body. It made him more exciting.

"Hey, Hachi. Remember when I sent you that picture on Tuesday? The one of me in my uniform? Can you tell me again how they made you feel?" Yuuri asked, leaning on his hand, smirking. Hachi coughed slightly, staring at Yuuri just a bit. Still, he answered.

"It made me feel very good, Eros. I still look at it. I have been all week." Hachi replied, quiet. Yuuri giggled.

"It made you hard, didn't it? You told me my picture made you hard." Yuuri said back, quieter. Hachi wrung his hands together.

"We can' t talk about those things here, beautiful. There are too many people." Hachi said. Yuuri hummed. He guessed Hachi was right. Yuuri quieted down, swirling his wine around in his glass. He was almost out, but he wasn't willing to drink it all yet. He liked swishing it around and around. It was like some form of grapey hypnosis. The grape hypnosis was so potent,, that he could swear his wine began talking to him.

"Get him hard again. Show him who's boss." The wine said. Yuuri grinned and looked over to Hachi, who kept his eyes on him. Yuuri put his glass down on the table and leaned back in the booth, pulling the sides of his coat out of the way, displaying the black knit underneath. He made sure Hachi could see where his jeans were pulled tight with a belt, exaggerating his waist to make it look even more narrow.

Yuuri brought his foot up to poke at Hachi's leg. He was wearing boots, so he wasn't planning on really moving his foot, just gentle motions. Hachi seemed to enjoy it. His face was getting hot. He eventually pulled his suit jacket off and sat it next to himself, much like Yuuri had his scarf set aside. Yuuri decided to let up on him once he spotted their waitress from across the restaurant. She sat down their food and asked if they needed anything, to which Hachi quickly replied with a 'No, we're fine, thank you'.

The food was amazing. Yuuri almost felt the need to physically hold himself back from scarfing it down. He was hungry, having not eaten anything since break, where he only had a stick of gum. The fish was cooked perfectly and there was nothing left when Yuuri was done with it. Hachi had called him a 'grateful boy', and Yuuri smiled at him. It was polite to eat everything cooked for you and his mother always stressed good manners when she raised him. Still, Yuuri would accept the praise, even if it was for something so plain and meaningless.

Yuuri refused dessert, but he and Hachi stayed for a while longer, allowing Yuuri to drink two more glasses of wine in the meantime. He was definitely some form of drunk by the time they left, and had to be gently guided out of the restaurant. Bright red blush covered his cheeks and he giggled once they were out in the fresh air, spinning a little.

"Hachi, doesn't the air feel nice? It was so stuffy in there, I thought I'd die." Yuuri said, leaning onto Hachi, who continued guiding him back to the car.

"It feels very nice, Eros. We could have left sooner if you'd wanted to." Hachi said, putting Yuuri into the passenger seat of his car. "We still have an hour before you need to get back home. Do you want to drive for a bit?"

"Sure, where are we driving?" Yuuri hiccuped a little.

"Nowhere in particular, I just want to spend more time with you. If you'll take it, obviously." Hachi said. "I'll even pay extra if you'll let me spend more time with you."

"You don't need to pay extra, silly. It's still the same date." Yuuri slurred. Hachi grinned, starting up his car and driving down the street. Yuuri stared out of the window. Even at night, Fukuoka was still crowded and bustling. Nothing like Hasetsu, which slowed down soon after the sun set.

Yuuri wasn't sure how long they had been in the car or when they parked, but they were in a parking garage. He knew that much.

"Hey, Hachi? Why're we here?" Yuuri asked. Hachi shuffled.

"I know it's forward, but I have the extra cash. I want to touch you, just a little. You can keep all of your clothes on if you want." Hachi requested. Yuuri thought about it, and smiled.

"Sure." He said. Hachi sighed with relief and immediately brought one of his hands to Yuuri's neck, stroking it gently, sometimes moving his thumb across Yuuri's jawline. The other hand trailed to Yuuri's thighs, rubbing and stroking. Hachi had begun to groan.

Yuuri grimaced at the situation and himself. This felt weird, but he was still getting a little turned on by Hachi's whispered streams of praise. He'd bite his lip whenever the man would get close to his ear and tell him he was gorgeous. He hated himself for it, but he was too drunk on alcohol and desperation to care. He wanted to be told he was pretty. If the compliments were there, he could use them as a distraction. Hachi could do what he wanted to him, he would do whatever Hachi wanted, even if it made his stomach turn, because somewhere deep down, Yuuri knew that Hachi had to care about him at least a little. A little love was all Yuuri needed.

"Wait, Hachi. I wanna give you something too." Yuuri slurred again. Maybe this would make Hachi like him even more.

"You already have, you're stunning." Hachi insisted, leaning further into Yuuri's neck. Yuuri pushed him back.

"No, like this," Yuuri said, then leaned up to kiss the man. It wasn't anything like kissing people his age. The man clearly had shaved off stubble some time in the morning, but it was beginning to grow back, prickly and sharp. Yuuri wrapped his arms around Hachi's neck and broad shoulders as he leaned over the console of the car. He moaned when Hachi's tongue pushed into his mouth, and he almost threw up at the sound. All over some old man's mouth. He really was a whore, huh. Well, men liked this right? He was just giving the people what they wanted. It wasn't for him. It was for Hachi and his money and endless praise. That's all. He was just thanking him for dinner. Yuuri took a gentle breath to calm down an push himself back into the moment.

Hachi's hands began to wander, but Yuuri didn't stop him, even when his grabby hands gripped around his ass. He shivered, uncomfortable, but not quite there enough to stop it. Yuuri allowed one of his hands to move down between Hachi's legs, where a lump had been forming. Hachi tensed when Yuuri touched him. Yuuri pulled away from the older man, saliva dripping down. He began to pull at the older man's zipper and Hachi got the message, scrambling to pull it down for Yuuri. Soon, his member was free, swollen and fuming.  
  
"You're the first person I've ever done this to, so I'm sorry if I'm bad. I just wanted to let you know I appreciated dinner." Yuuri apologized before putting the length into his mouth. It was bitter and, despite lacking in real length, was thick enough to stretch Yuuri's jaw. Hachi made an obscene groan and began petting at Yuuri's hair as he experimentally bobbed his head.

"You're doing wonderful, just keep doing that." Hachi encouraged, and Yuuri almost teared up at the praise. New experiences and alcohol didn't mix, Yuuri decided. The hand left his head and traced around the curve of his ass again. Yuuri kept swallowing around it, unsure and uneasy, but eventually, he was pulled from Hachi's member as a liquid landed on his face. There wasn't much, but there was enough to be a nuisance. Yuuri gasped while Hachi apologized and pulled tissues from his glove box, wiping at Yuuri's face while the boy shook a little.

"Was I any good?" Yuuri asked, trying to not let his subconscious disgust come through in his voice. The alcohol was starting to fade away and his mind was getting a little clearer, leaving him with the unfortunate feeling of his emotions and brain short circuiting. What had he just done? Hachi sighed and nodded.

"You were wonderful, dear." He said, catching his breath and starting the car up again. "Is it alright if I just drop you off at the centre again?"

"Actually, can you drop me off near City Hall? It's closer to home." Yuuri asked. Hachi, after pushing his now flaccid member back into his pants, patted Yuuri's knee.

"Of course, that's no problem." He replied.

Sure enough, he was dropped off in front of Fukuoka City Hall. Hachi stuffed some bills into Yuuri's coat pocket and gave him a quick pat down, trying to feel him up one last time before he had to leave. Yuuri wasn't really paying any attention to what Hachi was doing, more focused on trying to get his half-sober brain in order, but at some point, the Camry drove off and Yuuri waved gently as it left.

Yuuri then walked straight to the train station, a few blocks down. There were still so many people, and Yuuri was feeling as of they were looking at him, judging him for who he had just been with. He momentarily wished he'd asked Hachi to drop him off at the train station, but that would have made it obvious he didn't actually live in Fukuoka. He told Hachi he had walked to the shopping centre. He wouldn't have any need for the train if that were the case. Yuuri began to walk quickly. He was starting to feel sick. He had cum residue on his face, and despite it not being visible, he certainly felt it when the cold late autumn wind blew on his face. He wanted a shower and a bed. He wanted to get home. The regrets were pouring in as he faded from lusty to self-loathing, and it only kept getting worse by the second.

'Seriously? Doing that on the first date? He totally thinks you're in it for sex now. He thinks he can ask for that whenever. Really, Yuuri, are you that desperate?' Yuuri mentally berated himself once he was on the train. It wasn't too crowded now that it was getting late, and he managed to snag a seat near the door, with extra seats to spare so he didn't feel greedy for using it. He hoped he didn't look a mess. His scarf was haphazardly thrown around his neck, but that was okay. Slightly messy scarves were common on teens. He just didn't want to look like he gave his throat away to man old enough to pass for his father.

Yuuri became nauseous at the thought. His mood only exacerbated the sickness, and he still had a half hour on a shaking train that would sling around his insides until he felt like everything was in the wrong place and his head was floating from his body.

Luckily, Yuuri didn't puke on the train, but he did throw up once he was above ground in Hasetsu, right into a trash can, just like when he was little. Was this the grown-up rollercoaster? Was he grown up now that he had done that? Was wine the grown-up slushie? He'd much rather be puking up blue raspberry slush than seafood, cum and wine, that much was certain.

Yuuri wiped his mouth with his sleeve when he was done dry heaving. He felt the tears coming. He hated being aware of how strange and, deep down, despicable he really was. He thought he had hidden those thoughts away in his brain. The ones that reminded him of how tiny he was and how even though this problem hurt, there were people going through so much worse and how complaining just made him look like a whiny bitch. He hated it. He hated those thoughts.

Yuuri tried to be quiet when he walked in the side staff door into the kitchen at home, but he was caught by his mother. Losing all care in the world, Yuuri started to cry. He cried as his mother hugged him, telling him he didn't need to say anything. Yuuri just sobbed harder every single time she said she loved him and that everything was okay.

When his sobs subsided, Hiroko ushered him to the bathroom and told him to get a shower and get to bed. She promised to make his favourite breakfast in the morning, just for them since Mari and his father were going to pick up stock and would be gone until noon. Yuuri nodded, rubbing at his face.

Yuuri took a shower, scrubbing at his skin until it was stinging and raw. He didn't feel better, but at least the sweat, cum and tears were washed away and left nothing but a memory (which might have been worse, having the evidence of the event trapped in your head forever).  
  
Yuuri didn't think he wanted to see Hachi in person again. He was too scared to even think how that would turn out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay! dubious consent and self loathing!!
> 
> actually no. i cant believe im doing this to Yuuri he's my baby. why do i want to bReAK him?? well because he's innocent and sweet and now we need to ruin that. i love having favourites :)
> 
> anywhoodle, this was a serious doozy to write, especially since its a bit longer than most of the chapters i have typed up at the moment. i feel bad for him but my fingers just keep typing away. some clarification: yuuri is seriously misinformed on what he's supposed to do on these dates. he just kind of assumes they always lead to something sexual and he wants to 'prove himself' in a way. its messed up and shows how truly misinformed he is and how ignorant he is to his own situation.
> 
> wonderous.
> 
> also "i'm just playing a naive teenage boy its not for real" - yuuri katsuki, known naive teenage boy
> 
> again, i hope i made you super uncomfortable and maybe a little sister sad because that was my honest intention. this chapter is also kind of messy n i wouldnt be surprised if i rewrote it at some point, just to make it sound better. it would have the same timeline, just better words lol
> 
> ty for reading!! im a slut for feedback owo


	4. Calm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no tw but tell me if i need to add some

Yuuri woke multiple times throughout the night, each restless episode more headache-filled than the last. His experiences had been pushed back into his head and Yuuri did everything in his power to keep them from resurfacing.

Once Yuuri woke for good, his senses were immediately filled with breakfast. He could smell the pork and ginger frying from his bed and heard the sizzling from the stove. He smiled ever so slightly. His mother always kept her promises. She always told Yuuri to keep his.

Yuuri, for once, decided to take a break from his phone. A one day break couldn't upset Kyle. Could it? No, he was understanding.

Yuuri took a large sigh and went downstairs. He met his mother in the kitchen, where she was setting food onto plates.

"Good morning, Yuu-chan. How are you feeling?" Hiroko asked, smiling at him for a moment before going back to her work.

"Okay, I guess. My head kind of hurts but I'll be fine." Yuuri replied, "I can make some tea if you want me to."

"Please, dear. I would appreciate it." Hiroko said. Yuuri moved to the other side of the kitchen, getting the green tea from the cabinet and beginning to make the beverage.

Yuuri liked mornings like this. Mari and Toshiya were both louder and more outgoing than Hiroko or Yuuri. When it was just him and his mother, things calmed down. It was almost therapeutic.

Once the tea was brewed and the breakfast was made, the pair sat down in the dining room. This one was away from the common area that inn guests stayed at. This dining room was for the family. Yuuri had eaten in the common area with guests many times, and Yuutopia was praised for being interactive and receptive to guests, but sometimes privacy was needed in a family.

"So, who's taking care of the inn?" Yuuri asked as they ate.

"That nice girl from down the road, Akane. You know her. You used to have playdates with her little brother when you were little." Hiroko replied. She was eating, but also seemed uneasy.

"Are you alright?" Yuuri asked, knowing full well an interrogation was in order after the way he came home the night before.

"Well, I'm just worried. You've been changing so much lately, and coming home drunk? That's completely unlike you, Yuuri. I expected some rebelliousness, but this is more than I thought I was in for." Hiroko fretted. Yuuri felt guilt suck his heart in. He decided then that he wouldn't see Hachi anymore because Hachi made his mother upset.

But, there was still a chance for Kyle. Kyle cared about him. Kyle wouldn't touch him in some parking garage.

"I'm fine, mom. I'm sorry I freaked you out last night. I wasn't thinking and I started drinking a little and then that turned into drinking more than that. I won't go out with those friends anymore if you don't want me to." Yuuri said. He could stay away from Hachi. Hachi was quite submissive and far from an alpha male. Meiko was right about the men being pushovers. 

"Don't, please. I told your father about it, but I think we'll both keep it private." Hiroko said, reaching across the table to grip her son's hands gently. "You're a good boy, you're just a teenager and teenagers do stupid things. I was one once and I sneaked out constantly. I never knew how it could affect my parents so much until Mari went out one night without telling me and I nearly had a heart attack."

Yuuri giggled with his mother as she told stories of her youth. Yuuri knew all about how she went through a rebellious phase, as did his father and Mari. Yuuri, according to his mother, was much tamer and reserved.

Yuuri didn't like being tame and reserved. Sometimes he wanted to rebel so badly. He just hated making his parents worry. He remembered when Mari was a teenager, and she nearly gave them strokes more than once. One time, they actually had to call the police to have them find her. She had just been at her friend's house. It was a mess.

Yuuri had been told that Toshiya was quite a wild child, too, more so than his mother or Mari. He would skip class and sneak out and go to parties. Hell, he didn't just go to parties, he was the party. Yuuri used to have a hard time imagining how his father, a man who was so mellow now in his middle-age, could ever have been so energetic and wild, but after seeing his father get drunk on his forty-seventh birthday the year before, the image came to mind instantly.

Hiroko always said that it was in a boy's spirit to rebel. She said Yuuri would probably go through a time where he was just like him and maybe him getting drunk was just the tip of the iceberg, but she told him to be safe and careful. She couldn't imagine what she'd do if any kind of pain came to her baby boy.

Yuuri shuffled around as he walked back into his room after cleaning the dishes. He had work in the inn later that day and convinced his mother to move his afternoon shift to the evening because of his mild hangover. He didn't like seeing his mother upset, but really, if she didn't know, could it really hurt her? She didn't need to know about Kyle and Kyle would treat him right. He would look nothing like Hachi. He would act nothing like Hachi. He wouldn't do boring office work like Hachi. He wouldn't have a predatory smile like Hachi. He would be the man's polar opposite.

Kyle wouldn't hurt him.

Yuuri would only talk to Kyle on Blossom and no one else. He didn't want to give out his number and seem to forward. Things were kind of backwards on the site, from what little Yuuri knew. Meeting up was the first thing on people's minds and phone numbers were unlikely. On dating sites, it was the opposite. People wanted to talk before meeting.

Yuuri wasn't up for talking on that day, though. He didn't want to run the risk of seeing Hachi's messages in his inbox, as he was sure the man had texted him as a 'follow up' or something. The idea made his stomach turn. The man would definitely bring up the blowjob he gave. Yuuri didn't want to even think about it. He didn't want to be reminded of how easy he was. He knew a drunk man's actions were a sober man's thoughts and he didn't want to admit that he probably wanted to accept that kind of thing. Yuuri shook his body a little as if trying to shake the intrusive thoughts away, and he moved to pluck a book from his shelf. He'd always enjoyed books. Maybe it would distract him.

Yuuri was only able to focus on reading for half an hour and got stuck rereading the same page over and over from getting distracted by his own thoughts, which he almost tried to bang out of his aching brain. His eyes straining to read the pages despite his glasses didn't help the pain. Yuuri gave up and put the book away, choosing to stare at the ceiling instead.  
  
Yuuri would have been happier if he was too shit-faced to remember what had happened, even if his memory of the event was a tad foggy. He'd rather have blacked out. He would have been ripe for the taking and wouldn't need to be stuck in his own head, replaying the encounter over and over again.

Vicchan whined and scratched at Yuuri's door at some points during his sulking. Yuuri smiled a little, getting up and opening the door.

"Hey, boy. I'm sorry, you must feel ignored." Yuuri said, half baby-talking to the poodle. "Do you wanna go on a walk?"

The poodle leaped in excitement and started running circles around Yuuri's feet. Yuuri laughed and picked up his poodle as he ran another lap, petting him on his head. Yuuri grabbed Vicchan's leash, clipping it on and walking out of the door, telling Akane to tell his mother that he was out with Vicchan if she asked.

Yuuri hoped the walk would ease his physical and mental distress. Vicchan certainly helped, providing entertainment with his excited skips and sniffing at objects. He tried to think only about the small things, about how the chill was biting at his nose and the sky was hazy with near-winter clouds. It hadn't snowed that night as it had on previous nights, but Yuuri wished it did. Vicchan didn't seem to mind what kind of snow it was as he pounced on a pile, sinking his small paws into the cold mound, which he jumped out of quickly.

"Snow is cold, Vicchan. Your paws will freeze." Yuuri said, smiling. Vicchan paid him no mind and played in some more snow on the other side of the sidewalk.

The two continued their walk after Yuuri finally managed to get the poodle to stop rolling around in the snow. The walk wasn't long, as it was just too cold. Yuuri's birthday would be coming up in two weeks. It was the middle of November and Yuuri's birthday would be at the end of the month.

Yuuri looked forward to it. He'd learned to revel in attention from anywhere. It's part of the reason everything started. Attention was his ultimate vice. He was addicted to it. It made him feel good; having people look at him and tell him he looked good or he was funny or he was someone they wanted to be friends with. He even enjoyed knowing that he intimidated many of the people at the school. They saw him as superior. It was a foreign concept to Yuuri, being a 'top dog' or anything even remotely close.

On his birthday, more people than just his family, Yuuko and Takeshi would wish him a happy one. His new friends would. He'd tell Kyle it was birthday and he would say happy birthday. People would actually want him to have a good day and not just say that out of custom. They would mean it.

Yuuri hoped they would, at least. If they didn't, they wouldn't have to say it to him. When he was in grade school, mothers would tell their children to wish him a happy birthday because it was good manners, and the children would whine and come to mumble a good wish to him and leave. No one would stay. He'd eaten the cookie Yuuko made for him on his eleventh birthday by himself on the school playground.

Now, someone would metaphorically come and eat his cookie with him. It was something he'd always wanted. He'd wanted a taste of feeling liked. He wanted to feel like someone somewhere wanted him around. Yuuko and Takeshi made him feel that way when he was younger, but as he grew older and age mattered more and more, he'd started to feel unsatisfied with just two friends.

High school was meant to be fresh air for him. It was supposed to let him reinvent himself as someone new. He guessed that message didn't really get across to anyone but himself. Everyone who knew him still thought he was a shy, nervous worry-wart, and in some ways they were right, but he was different now. He could be confident and make his own decisions. He could take risks. He didn't need to have someone hold his hand anymore.

He could be an adult for once in his life.

That was part of the reason he decided to go to Fukuoka instead of a high school closer to home. Of course, a lot of the choice was his friends, but there was a sense of excitement at the prospect of few people knowing him. Fukuoka wasn't a popular school among students at his junior high. Yuuko went for uniforms, Takeshi went for Yuuko and Yuuri went for reinvention.

Yuuri decided to loop around the past couple of blocks he'd gone down and go home. The cold was beginning to gnaw on his ears, nose and other parts of his body. Vicchan looked like he was getting tired, too.

"Hey, Vicchan, let's jog home, okay?" Yuuri said and picked up a gentle jog, trying to get a little warmth from the exercise. It helped a little, but now he just had cold sweat growing on his back.

Both Yuuri and Vicchan were panting when they got home. Yuuri felt particularly sweaty and gross and Vicchan was drooling on the doorstep. Yuuri caught his breath outside, then went inside, unclipping Vicchan once he was indoors.

Yuuri decided to take a warm shower. He wasn't going to be a good receptionist if his back was sticking to his shirt. He'd get distracted by it and eventually grow uncomfortable and unagreeable. That was bad for business.

The warm water made Yuuri sting a little. He stayed still until he acclimated to the water, then began washing quickly. He didn't look down at his body and instead began studying the walls and ceiling of the bathroom. He counted sixty-eight tiles on the walls and one plaster-covered crack in the ceiling. He figured he should find the time to go and replaster it. It looked like the old plaster was growing weak after being constantly assaulted with steam and the occasional stream of water if Yuuri started to slip on the floor and dropped the shower head.

Yuuri quickly towelled off and got dressed, feeling much more comfortable once he was clean and covered. Knowing he had some time before his shift at the reception desk, Yuuri picked up his book again, finally able to focus on it. Perhaps the walk really did help to clear his head and lock all those thoughts out in the cold air to slowly get hypothermia and die before the sun rose the next morning. That's what he wanted them to do at least. It would give him peace of mind.

Yuuri went down to start his shift one the sky started turning blue. The days were so much shorter now that winter was coming. Not that Yuuri minded, but he did enjoy the sun. He missed it a little.

Mari and Toshiya were working on restocking when Yuuri arrived downstairs, apron wrapped around his waist and nametag pinned to his sweater. Mari gave him a nod, but his father gave him a look. Yuuri shook his head with a smile, which seemed to satisfy his father, and went off to the front desk.

Everything was going to be okay, just as his mother had told him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey there isn't much to say other than i'm sorry for the short length and the late upload. my updates are going to slow down and i'll probably only update on the weekends :)
> 
> okay let's get into the nitty gritty; i got a comment two days ago saying that this was the worst yuuri ooc they've ever seen and that it's unrealistic that a teen would go into prostitution on a porn page. unfortunately they deleted their comment before i could reply directly to them, but i still have the email notification. they bookmarked my work with the same comment, which i also got an email for. i might as well address it all now and get it out of the way.
> 
> first off, yes, yuuri is quite ooc on this, but there are still key points of his personality being maintained here, such as his self blame, people pleasing and desire to prove himself. on top of that, we can't have a well rounded character in 3 chapters. it just doesn't happen unless someone is puking out events on the fly. i want to take this fairly slow. this story will end up being very long. 15 yr old yuuri would also not be the same as 24 yr old yuuri. that's nearly a decade of time for him to grow as a person. that's nearly a decade of time for him to learn how the world works and that just because people say they love you, it doesn't mean they actually do.
> 
> ultimately, i wanted to bring some light to compensated dating. compensated dating is a very real problem that affects thousands of high school students, predominantly in asia, where yuuri lives, although its becoming a more widespread problem and starting to end up on the global scale. it is something that any teen can get wrapped up into for a variety of reasons. it isn't just the rebellious and the promiscuous ending up in these situations. the shy, the self loathing and the naive end up in this as well. if i can make it clear that there is no glory in this kind of practice and how it gets people into things they shouldn't be in, even on a small scale, i'll be happy. there's more to this message, but i won't reveal it for the sake of surprise. i will discuss it as the events arise.
> 
> point blank, i wrote this with a message in mind. i didn't write it so that i could be praised by elitists.
> 
> on top of that, i may interpret a character in a different way than someone else. mine nor this person's interpretations of yuuri are the ultimate interpretations. none of us are yamamoto or kubo, so we have no say in how a character should be. all we can say is that we saw a character in whatever way we did and discuss it with others who may think differently. there are key personality traits that should be honoured when writing a story, but you don't have to follow a character's wiki personality word for word. write out your interpretation; don't write the interpretation of someone else because they said they were right.
> 
> here's some links on compensated dating that i hope make it very clear that it is realistic for a teen to end up this way and how big of a problem it is:
> 
> https://www.scmp.com/news/asia/east-asia/article/2012979/japan-compensated-dating-exhibition-puts-child-prostitution
> 
> https://www.scmp.com/article/708601/compensated-dating-boys-growing-trend
> 
> https://web.archive.org/web/20090311154018/http://www.thestandard.com.hk/news_detail.asp?pp_cat=11&art_id=55133&sid=15810773&con_type=1&d_str=20071015&sear_year=2007
> 
> https://web.archive.org/web/20090311154038/http://www.thestandard.com.hk/news_detail.asp?pp_cat=30&art_id=67897&sid=19575157&con_type=1&d_str=20080630&sear_year=2008
> 
> and to everyone who has been supporting this work, thank you. for every person that doesn't understand what i'm trying to do, i know that there are 3 that do get it. i appreciate it greatly.
> 
> i hope to see you all next chapter and, as always, i adore your feedback <3


	5. Promises, Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: victim blaming, gaslighting, self blame
> 
> if i need to add more please tell me

Not talking to Hachi or Kyle went from a day to a week and three days. He felt relieved to not be talking to anyone on occasion, but other times he was crawling to talk to them. The itching desire for attention would go away once he reminded himself of what happened as his fingers would curl around his phone, but it was a vicious cycle and the urge would always arise again.

This time his memories weren't strong enough to stop him from getting on Blossom. He found himself on his bed, back in the place that led to the incident.

During his time off, his inbox had been flooded with messages from Kyle and Hachi, but there were a few from others. Yuuri instantly went to Kyle. The man seemed worried.

_**Kyle00** : Where the hell are you?_  
_**Kyle00** : Why aren't you answering? You always answer._  
_**Kyle00** : Answer me_

Kyle had sent those earlier in the morning. He had sent others at various times throughout his absence from Blossom. Yuuri felt awful. How could he have kept him waiting for so long? Over a stupid blowjob? Yuuri shuddered just thinking about the encounter. He'd need to talk to Hachi about it eventually. Maybe. Yuuri still wasn't sure if he could do it.

_**Eros^^** : hey sorry. i got caught up in some stuff_  
_**Kyle00** : Did you get grounded or something? Please tell me no one saw._  
_**Eros^^** : no i didnt get grounded and no one saw. it was other stuff. i dont really wanna talk about it._  
_**Kyle00** : Why not? It can't be that big of a deal, come on._

Yuuri looked at that message for a second. Kyle was right. It really couldn't be that big of a deal, right? It was just a blowjob. He got sick because of it, but he had been gagging a little. Maybe that was why.

_**Eros^^** : it wasn't. i just dont wanna._  
_**Kyle00** : Okay. Where were you then?_  
_**Eros^^** : i was just away._  
_**Kyle00** : That isn't a good answer._

Of course, Kyle was right. Again.

_**Eros^^** : i know it isn't a good answer. i was just kind of upset. teenage hormones yknow?_  
_**Kyle00** : Whatever. You're over it now, right?_  
  
Yuuri was not over it.

_**Eros^^** : yeah i guess_  
_**Kyle00** : Okay. I was wondering something_  
_**Eros^^** : like what??_  
_**Kyle00** : Are you ever going to upload more pictures? Or send me some? Ever?_

Yuuri pondered. Maybe he should. He was overreacting and it was making him selfish. He wasn't thinking about what Kyle wanted out of this anymore. He needed to fix that.

_**Eros^^** : um ill think about it. i cant rn though_  
_**Kyle00** : Why not?_  
_**Eros^^** : i just dont want to right now. ill do it later i promise_  
_**Kyle00** : Good. I have to go to work now. I'll be expecting those pictures, gorgeous._  
  
Yuuri shuffled. He'd made a promise now. His mother always told him to keep his promises, even if they were inconvenient and cumbersome. This felt like that times twenty, but now he'd done it. More pictures needed to be made, no matter how much Yuuri didn't want to take them. He still didn't feel great and had been restless for days after the incident. He still had trouble falling asleep, but he was able to at least stay asleep now.

Yuuri pushed it to the back of his head for the time being. He still wasn't ready to reply to Hachi even if more messages were now flooding in since he was online. He could hardly even think about him without intrusive thoughts making themselves comfortable in every tiny crevice of his already crowded brain. He hated it. He needed to grow up.

There were new messages and Yuuri debated if he should even open them up. He didn't know how to feel about it. They were all just endless lines of lecherous middle-aged businessmen in suits and red ties. That's all he saw.

Yuuri put his phone down and got up from his bed, beginning to pace. He knew he'd have to grow some balls and do it soon. He couldn't keep hiding from Hachi over something so, so trivial.

The other side of him wanted to stay away, hidden. It felt like when he'd hide under a table when his parents were angry with him, which usually got him in more trouble than he was previously in. It wasn't necessarily because he was afraid of his parents, but because he was so scared of not being what people wanted. He didn't want to be weak, but he was, and the least he could do was keep the pitiful display from sight. He didn't need to be told that he was disappointing. He knew all too well.

He was getting too big to be hunched over under the wood of a desk. He couldn't fit anymore. Yuuri knew good and well that it meant he'd start having to hold himself accountable for his actions and face reality, but he wanted to stay folded up under that slab of wood for as long as he could. It was warm under there and everywhere else was cold.

Yuuri knew adults weren't bothered by the cold. They braved it, maybe put on a few layers, and kept moving. Children ran from the cold. Yuuri didn't want to be a child anymore.

Yuuri felt himself choke up. No, no, he couldn't be crying now. He wasn't supposed to cry. He grabbed at his hair and crouched to the floor, trying to distract himself from his own self-pity. He was pathetic, and even his conscience knew that. It was trying to tell him that if he didn't prove that he could be anything anyone wanted him to be, including himself, he'd never amount to anything and he'd remain a worm, crawling and writhing on the floor.

Yuuri snatched his phone off of his bed, holding in every tear and every cry his body wanted to let go of. He clicked on Hachi's messages. He'd sent four in the last hour alone.

_**Hachi0889** : Eros please answer me._  
_**Hachi0889** : I can see that you're online please answer me._  
_**Hachi0889** : You can't do this to me._  
_**Hachi0889** : You can't just leave me here, wondering what happened while you prance off with other men to do what you did with me. Do you do this with all of them? Did you lie to me about being your first?_

As Yuuri read the messages, a sob slipped past his lips and tears rolled down his cheeks. He rubbed at them angrily and tried to swallow down any sobs that might have been trapped in his throat.

Hachi really thought he was lying. Hachi thought he was trying to hurt him. He thought Yuuri was a whore. He was, but he didn't want anyone to think that. He wasn't lying. He hadn't ever done that before.

_**Eros^^** : im sorry i just got caught up_  
_**Eros^^** : i wasnt lying to you why would i lie to you_  
_**Hachi0889** : I knew you seemed too experienced_  
_**Eros^^** : no i was just copying what other people did on here. and what ive seen people do. im a teenage boy you know what i watch from time to time. every boy does that at some point right_  
_**Hachi0889** : I think you're trying to humiliate me. You haven't gone to the police, have you?_  
_**Eros^^** : of course not why would i go to the police._  
_**Hachi0889** : Then why have you been avoiding me for a week and a half?_  
  
Yuuri didn't know how to answer that. Hachi already thought he was a lying slut, he didn't want to make the problem worse by making something up. But then again, he didn't want to upset Hachi more by telling him that he was the reason he's been offline for so long.

_**Eros^^** : i was avoiding everyone. i just got caught up_  
_**Hachi0889** : Bullshit. You were talking to other men, weren't you? Why can't you just say that._  
_**Eros^^** : i wasn't thats why. hachi please stop saying im lying because im not. you were the first_

Yuuri was outright crying, huddled up into the corner between his bed and his end table. He didn't know what to do or what to say. He didn't realize it would make anyone so angry.

_**Hachi0889** : Then tell me why you ignored me for days._  
_**Eros^^** : because i felt guilty and gross. i dont even know why i did any of what i did. i felt like i had to._  
_**Hachi0889** : Isn't that what you're there for? And I told you that you didn't have to._  
_**Eros^^** : i know you didnt i never said you did_  
_**Hachi0889** : But you're thinking that I made you do it somehow. Did you forget that you never said no? You started it._  
_**Eros^^** : i know i started it thats why im guilty_  
_**Eros^^** : just please stop talking to me for now. i dont want to see or hear from you again unless i say something otherwise. im the one who can call the police on you. im the one who could tell your wife or your daughter dont forget that. im not lying to you._

Yuuri almost threw his phone across the room. He just barely gathered the strength to stop himself. He knew it, he knew he'd regret it. He should've picked a better time but he was emotional and his impulse always got the better of him.

Yuuri knew that there was truth in every single word that Hachi said. He didn't say no and Hachi even gave him the chance to. He was so eager to get into an old man's pants that he didn't even remember his excitement until Hachi slapped it back into his face. He had talked to other men, he supposed. He talked to his teacher and the people that came into the inn; some regulars knew him well, having been patrons of the bar since he was a little baby.

What would they do if they learned that the cute little baby had turned sour? That he hadn't said no to obvious sexual advances and then tried to victimize himself. They would faint, if not from Yuuri's actions then from the sheer absurdity of his response to what he did.

Yuuri's family might die from shock if they found out. He couldn't let them find out under any circumstances. He could take care of himself. They didn't need to worry about him anymore.

Yuuri sat there and cried for almost an hour. Yuuri didn't know how he had all those tears in himself. He thought he'd cried them out a while ago, but alas, his shirt was wet from where he used it to wipe his tears away and his face was flushed and puffy. He couldn't go out like this.

Yuuri waited in silence for his face to settle down and to allow the lump still in his throat to leave. He waited for about half an hour before giving up and deciding to go down to the commons area no matter how ridiculous he looked.

No one said anything to him once he was downstairs, focused on a baseball game playing on the single television. It was a modest bar area, so only one television was needed. The hot springs were the main attraction anyways, so few guests came to the bar area at all.

"Oh, Yuuri, I was just about to come and get you. Mom and I need you to help us get this stock put away. You're the tallest out of all of us." Mari said, putting her keys into her apron pocket. Yuuri smiled. If he looked like ass, she didn't say anything, and he was grateful for that.

Yuuri followed his sister behind the bar and into the storage room, where his mother was already putting away some stock. It was vastly cooking materials and alcohol, but he could see a few boxes marked with the logo of the Harada Tea Processing company.

They handed him cans that went on the top shelf, just out of their reach. Yuuri was just barely tall enough to reach it on the tips of his toes. There was a suggestion by his mother to do away with that shelf entirely and just get a new rack, but his father always said to let Yuuri do it.

And, as expected, Yuuri always did it. It didn't bother him anymore. It made him feel wanted, despite everything, even if he was just wanted to put cans up on the top shelf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am the author doing all of these bad things to my baby boy and yet i feel terrible.
> 
> but it was bound to happen. victim blaming is all too common with drunken "consent" (its always dubious just dont go after ddrunk people and certainly not drunk minors thats disgusting)
> 
> also i hope its becoming very clear how these guys feel about yuuri's wellbeing vs. their best interest.
> 
> but that being said i hope you enjoyed this chapter!! i hope to see you all in the next one. if there's any spelling or formatting problems, please tell me :) also srry for another short chapter swimming has been kicking my ass im tired all the time
> 
> i l o v e all of ur feedback


	6. Cut Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: fairly obvious grooming
> 
> tell me if i need to add more tw please!

Yuuri had stopped all communication on Blossom with anyone but Kyle about four weeks ago, and for the first time, he didn't feel so pressured. He knew that he probably should, but he just didn't. Kyle just talked to him.  
  
Kyle did end up with new photos. Yuuri put a lot of work into them. He wanted to show Kyle that he cared about what was happening between them, that he wasn't throwing away his affection. So far, it seemed to be working. Yuuri would beam at every compliment that followed.

_**Kyle00** : Black is your colour_  
_**Eros^^** : really? i always went for blue_  
_**Kyle00** : Blue is good too, but black suits your image. Is your hair black?_  
_**Eros^^** : well yea. most japanese people have black hair. its kind of boring but i know i'd never look good with lighter hair_  
_**Kyle00** : I say its good genetics. Black is a colour that goes with everything. My hair is brown._  
_**Eros^^** : is it because your mr. american_  
_**Kyle00** : Yeah. My mom had red hair. Hair colour genetics are insane and somehow I ended up with brown hair. It's almost black though._  
_**Eros^^** : i dont even think i've seen natural red hair._  
_**Kyle00** : It's not exactly common, even in other places._

Yuuri wondered about Kyle's hair for hours, which quickly dissolved into thinking about Kyle in general. Was it wavy like his? Were his eyes brown or some other colour? Shows usually showed foreigners with different eye colours than brown. Was he tall or short? Yuuri wouldn't mind if he was short. He'd still be Kyle either way. The other white and Asian mixed kid in his school had wavy hair, but he looked distinctly Asian, just a little muted. Yuuri was very clearly from Japan, black hair, brown eyes and all, just like every person in the country. He looked boring by his own carefully cultivated standards.

Kyle was exotic in a way. Yuuri briefly thought about what people would think, knowing a more mature, likely attractive foreign man thought he was pretty. Of course, they'd probably think it was strange; men didn't usually have relations like that. But out of those that didn't care, he'd be special. He wasn't like them. They didn't have foreign men with so many other choices asking for pictures of them.

It made Yuuri feel wanted for once. In a different way than family this time. Like he was something to get hot and bothered over. It's a trait he'd wanted since high school started.

Yuuri rolled over in bliss that was quickly interrupted when he saw his inbox screen. Hachi had ignored his wishes and kept messaging him, but Yuuri made it a point not to answer him. He didn't think he could get through talking to Hachi without crying.

Yuuri had told Kyle about the Hachi incident a week ago. He told him all about how stupid he'd been and how he should've known better. Kyle told him it was stupid to meet someone so soon, but he couldn't have known that he'd do those things. Yuuri wasn't sure if he believed it, but it felt good to be reassured by someone who actually had a real idea of what actually happened and didn't comfort him about a lie.

Sometimes their conversations got a little more on the frisky side, but never very far. Kyle didn't want to make him uncomfortable. Yuuri always knew he was considerate. Yuuri would usually further the conversation just a little, but would always stop before it became something more.

Sometimes Yuuri wanted to keep going, even when it was becoming something more. He was on Blossom, a compensated dating site after all. What harm could it really do? But he wanted to save all of his feelings for when Kyle wanted to meet up for the first time. Winter break was coming up soon, so he'd have all the time in the world.

Kyle hadn't texted that day and Yuuri had been reduced to the point of waiting by his phone for a text. His homework fell behind and his grades threatened to slip but he just couldn't seem to help it. Kyle had begun to occupy nearly all of his thoughts. When he was at school, he'd rather be talking to Kyle than studying ancient history, when he was at home, he'd wait endlessly for Kyle to text, not wanting to miss it and not wanting to show his desperation. Going to sleep was the worst. He'd wake up with all the pent up thoughts about Kyle having travelled south.

Yuuri constantly reminded himself that he had no idea how old Kyle was. He might be as old as Hachi. But a small part of his brain said 'he might just be around thirty'. Thirty wasn't a bad age. Most thirty-year-olds he'd seen looked decent enough. Kyle probably looked better.

And so, homework sat ignored on his desk as he paced, wondering why Kyle hadn't texted. Is this how Kyle felt when he was away? Probably, and that's why he didn't want to text and seem impatient. Kyle needed to know that Yuuri could wait for him. He couldn't rush things. He knew that much.

Finally, just as Yuuri gave up hope, a new refresh of his inbox showed a new message. He read it instantly but waited a few minutes to reply.

 _ **Kyle00** : Hey, sorry. I got caught up in work._  
_**Eros^^** : its fine i get it._  
_**Eros^^** : i guess its fair after me disappearing that one time_  
_**Kyle00** : I guess_  
_**Eros^^** : is something bothering you?_  
_**Kyle00** : How could you tell?_  
_**Eros^^** : idk i guess weve just gotten to know each other lol_  
_**Eros^^** : but rlly whats wrong?_  
_**Kyle00** : Got in an argument with my dad. I've been kind of dependent lately and he cut me off._  
_**Eros^^** : oh no!! why?_  
_**Kyle00** : I don't know. The old ass probably got tired of me. I have a job, its not like I'm not making money._  
  
Yuuri remembered when Kyle talked about his job. He said he worked in financing. Yuuri had whined about how boring it had sounded. Kyle agreed with him but said he had to do it. He'd had an issue a few years ago that sent him into debt. The job was the only thing helping him.

_**Eros^^** : is there anything i can do? i mean, i know i don't have a real paying job right now and can't give you money but is there anything else?_  
_**Kyle00** : Money is really what I need, but I've been pretty lonely._  
_**Eros^^** : and?_

Yuuri knew exactly what Kyle was implying. He just wanted it in typing.

 _ **Kyle00** : We've been talking for a while now, I think it's okay if you visit._  
_**Eros^^** : ive been waiting for you to ask!!! i was too shy_  
_**Kyle00** : Cute. So are you coming over?_  
_**Eros^^** : are we meeting somewhere or?_  
_**Kyle00** : I was thinking that you should just come over to my house. Do you not trust me or something. The most I would do is kiss you or something if I did anything at all. Not that you aren't gorgeous, but with the circumstances..._  
_**Eros^^:** no i get it. ur sweet._  
_**Eros^^** : i guess its alright? can i at least get ur address so i can make sure of everything. im just kind of paranoid lol_  
_**Kyle00** : Yeah that's fine. Anything to see that pretty face for once in my darkest days._  
  
Kyle sent him the address of an apartment complex. Yuuri figured it would be okay. He'd known Kyle for a little while now. Besides, Yuuri had wanted to meet up with him for ages. The very thought pulled his lip in between his teeth. He had pepper spray and knew how to kick. He wouldn't get drunk this time either.

_**Eros^^** : okay! i got it :) i have winter break in a bit, i'll come on the second day. my mom wants me to work on the first day._  
_**Kyle00** : I'll be waiting. Wear something pretty for me?_  
_**Eros^^** : whats ur favourite colour?_  
_**Kyle00** : On you, black._

Yuuri quickly took note and instantly began picking his outfit out in his head. He didn't want to wear all black. He'd probably wear black pants and his black coat instead of his brown one, and end up wearing a coloured shirt. Probably blue. Yuuri liked blue and his sister said it complimented his complexion.

_**Eros^^** : see u then. im excited ٩(●ᴗ●)۶_  
_**Kyle00** : Me too. See you then Eros._

Yuuri almost squealed. Well, he did let a small one out, more of a breathy whine than a squeal. He was going to meet Kyle soon. He had plans to test the waters with Kyle. He wanted to tell him how he felt. Yuuri was sick of hiding all of his feelings and Kyle was clearly interested in men, so it'd be more welcome.

If Yuuri were a more confident person, he would've said it already, but he isn't. He needed to reassure himself of Kyle wanting him. He'd want Kyle in any shape or form, but he wasn't Kyle. He was nothing like him. Maybe that was why Yuuri wanted to be with him so desperately. He was an escape from the overwhelming mediocrity that was his existence.

Yuuri wasn't even sure about how he should go about professing his love. Did he just say it? Was there prose involved like some Shakespearean tragedy? He just wasn't sure.

Yuuri couldn't just ask anyone. It would give him away, so he went to his next best guess; Google. They'd have the answers. Yuuri's laptop was open in seconds.

'How to tell a man that you like him', Yuuri carefully typed into the search bar. Results were listed on his screen quickly. Most of it was targeted towards girls, but that made sense. Boys didn't usually chase after men.

His Japanese search proved to be only minimally helpful. The forums and Yahoo Answers left him more puzzled than advised, so he went another route.

This time, Yuuri typed it in English. The results were also geared towards women, but they were more helpful than the Japanese ones. Maybe it was the culture difference, maybe not. He didn't care, he just needed answers.

Most of the advice was to take a risk and go for it. Yuuri supposed that could work. He just had to leave the rest of it to chance. Yuuri despised leaving things to chance. He wanted to know what was happening when it was happening. Chance does the opposite.

His mother said chance could be your best friend, but Yuuri's brain put emphasis on 'could'. There was no guarantee, no surety. It drove Yuuri absolutely insane. Mari was the same at his age, controlling, but only because of being a teen. Moodiness, really.

There was no way moodiness and fear were not getting in the way of his one shot at happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> b i g m i s t a k e t i m e
> 
> also short chapters are short, im sorry and im also sorry for decreasing quality im on a bit of a block and im trying to get out of it
> 
> our yuuri has a crush on kyle, the poor kid. time to make bad decisions and make a mess.
> 
> i appreciate you reading and i hope to see you next time on 'yuuri makes yet another bad decision' and if u see any spelling or formatting issues tell me
> 
> i love and appreciate all feedback <3


	7. Blister Pack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: underage sex, dubious consent, drug use
> 
> if i need more, please tell me

Yuuri met with Kyle on the second day of winter break, as promised. In order to throw his mom off of his trail, he'd said he was going to a small party with Yuuko and Takeshi that was being held at a friend's house just outside of town, which he did attend, but only for a few short moments before he was out and headed to the train station to head into Fukuoka. Upon leaving, he'd also ruffled his hair out of his the combed back style everyone from school recognized, but the glasses were still at home, forgotten in favour of contacts.

The apartment complex Kyle lived at was unassuming, but for some reason, it felt more welcoming than any other part of town. He texted Kyle that he was waiting outside for him. Kyle had said to so they would not draw any attention to themselves, which Yuuri instantly understood. Kyle messaged back quickly that he'd come and get him and bring him in through the side door.

Yuuri was wearing his blue scarf again. The colour clashed with his outfit, but it was his favourite scarf. It was woollen and had been patched from years of use, with a few pieces of fringe fraying, but it was warm and comforting, especially when he went to new places. It was now the accessory he used to identify himself.

Someone tapped Yuuri on the shoulder making him jump. His hand instinctively slipped to his coat pocket, where his mace and other miscellaneous were stored.

"Calm down, it's me, Kyle. You're Eros, right?" The person behind him said. Yuuri swivelled around to see a man, not that much taller than himself. He was most definitely younger than his previous encounter, probably only reaching his mid to late thirties if that. His hair was brown, just as Kyle said it was. It had a slight wave in it, just like Yuuri thought. His eyes were barely a shade lighter than Yuuri's and his skin was warm toned where Yuuri's was cold but close to Yuuri's shade.

"Um, yes I am," Yuuri replied. He tried to slap on the Eros appeal, but his childish crush on Kyle was rearing its ugly head.

"You're cuter in person than I thought," Kyle said. "Come on, let's get inside. It's freezing out here."

_Thoughtful_ , Yuuri fawned in his mind, _as usual_. Yuuri was led to a door not far down the wall, which Kyle unlocked with a key. He held the door open for Yuuri and the boy nearly swooned right then and there.

Kyle's apartment was on the third floor of the five-story building. It was a decent size, but only barely bigger than a studio. There were a few glasses in the sink and an unmade bed in the bedroom, which he only saw because the door to it was left open, but the place was otherwise clean.

Kyle led him to the couch, telling him to sit while he got drinks. Yuuri started for a moment, but Kyle told him it was just flavoured water. Yuuri relaxed a little.

"Sorry, I'm just a little nervous. It's not every day I end up in a man's apartment on the first date." Yuuri chuckled a little. He graciously took the glass handed to him by Kyle and followed the man as he sat next to him on the grey couch with his own glass, which was alcohol. It was a beer, but Yuuri didn't know what kind. He just knew it was strong. He could smell it from his seat.

"It's fine. I can imagine where the nerves come from." Kyle said. Silence settled for a moment, as neither of them knew what to talk about. Yuuri tried to start small talk, as lame as that sounded.

"Your apartment is nice. How long have you lived here?" He asked. Kyle was kind enough to indulge him. Always a gentleman.

"About four years now. It's not much to look at but it gives me a roof over my head." Kyle answered.

"I think its plenty to look at," Yuuri replied, taking sips of his water. It had cherry flavouring in it.

"It is if you don't live here. The air conditioning has been broken since May and I still haven't gotten maintenance out this way." Kyle said. "My mom's house in America was something though. She was a journalist and it started raking in bucks about the time I was born."

"What was America like?" Yuuri asked.

"Better than this area of Fukuoka. The rest of the city is nice but I get plopped here." Kyle groaned a little. Yuuri smiled a little.

"This area of Fukuoka is fine. No point in complaining about it either, unless you plan to move." Yuuri said in good fun. He hoped it didn't come off as rude, but his worries were washed away when Kyle laughed and one of his hands reached the small of Yuuri's back. For some reason, he didn't tense.

They talked for a while longer. He'd asked where Kyle's golden retriever was, and he'd said that he'd dropped his dog off with a friend that night so she wouldn't get to excited and trample Yuuri. Yuuri had laughed at that, saying he would have loved to be trampled by her. He let time slip away from him.

Somewhere along the line, lips landed on lips. Yuuri felt a stubble on Kyle's chin as well, but it wasn't like Hachi's. It wasn't sharp; only barely there. Kyle wasn't as broad as the other and Yuuri fit against him better.

Kyle broke them apart momentarily and reached for something in his pocket. It was a small blister pack. He popped open one of them and held it in his fingers.

"I can tell you're nervous. This'll help calm you down." Kyle said. Yuuri looked at it, uncertain.

"Are you sure I should be taking that?" Yuuri asked. He'd ben pulled over and was practically on top of Kyle at that point.

"It's basically a painkiller. You won't feel a thing tomorrow and you'll calm down for the time being. It's not a date rape drug, I swear. Those don't come in blister packs. This is completely harmless." Kyle said. Yuuri thought about it for a moment. It did just look like a normal ibuprofen and it did come in an over-the-counter blister pack. He trusted Kyle.

"Okay, let me see it." Yuuri grasped the pill and this glass of water, which was still mostly full, and took the medicine.

"It'll take a few minutes to kick in, but you'll know when it does. Now come back here." Kyle said, using two fingers to lift Yuuri's chin back up and start kissing him again.

Kyle was right, Yuuri did know when it kicked in. Everything felt lighter and ultimately felt better. It was like every sense he had gone into overdrive. He could almost feel the blood pulsing through his arteries, then his veins and all the way down to his capillaries. He could hear the stretch of his lungs as he breathed. He could feel every pore on Kyle's face without touching it. He wanted to touch it.

Yuuri brought his fingers to Kyle's face, feeling every bit of it, ghosting over his eyelids and his hairline. When Yuuri put on of his hands into Kyle's hair, he could feel every protein in each strand. He could hear Kyle's blood too.

Kyle had pulled Yuuri onto his waist and Yuuri gasped when he moved against the fold of his jeans; against Kyle's leg. It was like every bone in his body felt it. It wasn't like anything he'd felt before then.

"I can tell it kicked in," Kyle said, letting out a tiny laugh.

"Can you?" Yuuri asked, leaning into Kyle, getting the same friction from earlier. Kyle was handsy, Yuuri discovered, as he felt hands roam all over him. He leaned into the touches, not caring what the back of his mind was telling him about how he was going to regret this because it was just too overwhelming to focus on anything but his sense of feeling and sense of touch. All of his other senses were just a cloud.

"You've never been high before, I assume," Kyle asked. Yuuri shook his head and continued to rock himself and press on Kyle's leg. Kyle laughed and reached for the blister pack again, this time putting two into his own mouth. "My tolerance is higher." He had said when Yuuri looked at him.

Kyle pushed Yuuri down onto the couch, his coat having long since been forgotten, thrown on the floor somewhere. Yuuri absentmindedly asked for the time as his body was touched and his clothes were slowly pulled away. He was feeling too warm under them anyway.

"It about ten. I know you have a curfew. Don't worry, this'll be quick." Kyle breathed, his voice heavy and almost warm sounding. Yuuri nodded and allowed more of his skin to be exposed to the microfibre of the couch.

Yuuri let out a squeak, both from pain and pleasure, but didn't find the strength or need to stop Kyle from pressing two fingers into him. It was a stretch he wasn't ready for, but his body adjusted to quickly enough.

"You're a virgin, aren't you?" Kyle asked.

"Yeah," Yuuri answered. His head was lolling to the side. Kyle smiled at him.

"I thought you'd give it to someone you love," Kyle said as he continued to open him up. Yuuri looked at Kyle from over the fold of his sweater, which Kyle didn't bother to take off. Black was his colour, after all.

"I love you." Yuuri said. Kyle looked at him strangely but smiled. Yuuri wasn't sure what to make of that smile, but his eyes closed again as a cold substance his opening and a third finger slipped in. He hissed just slightly, but the fingers were out of him just as quickly as they'd gone in. Yuuri heard the clink of a belt as Kyle leaned over him. Yuuri let out a shaky smile.

"Please be careful," Yuuri whispered. Kyle pushed in, slowly, but Yuuri felt every little nerve ending crackle as the feeling of being stretched and filled spilled into him. His legs twitch and his back arched into Kyle's chest.

Yuuri wasn't sure how fast it was supposed to go, but he felt like Kyle was going a little too quickly. Still, he didn't stop him. It felt good, at least a little, but Kyle always just missed the part he knew would feel amazing, only because he always brushed just too far away from it. Yuuri found a way to convince himself that this was for Kyle.

_For Kyle, and only for Kyle. Stop being so greedy. You're in his home, not yours_ , Yuuri told himself.

Kyle finished, pulling out before he did so, which Yuuri was glad for, but he was left still needy. But, there was no time to deal with it. It was already 10:16 and he needed to be home soon. He knew he wouldn't get home on time, but he'd like to get home as close to his curfew as possible. His shoved himself into his pants and got dressed again.

"Sorry for being so weak. You're just pretty. I hope to see you sometime again." Kyle said as Yuuri put the money he had been given into his coat after plenty of 'no this is too much's. Yuuri grinned at him. The praise made his entire body buzz in delight. He was pretty sure he was still high. He was hyperaware of the cotton scratching at his dick and the wool wrapped around his neck. He felt his heartbeat speed up.

Yuuri left not long after that, his senses still heightened, but they're enough to get to the train station and get on a train. As soon as it was on the way to Hasetsu station, Yuuri was in the train bathroom with his pants around his thighs, thinking about what it would have been like if he'd finished at Kyle's. He thought about how Kyle would've done it. It wasn't long before cum was on his hand, dripping onto the toilet. He cleaned up after himself quickly, hoping he hadn't drawn any attention to himself, and went back to his seat.

Yuuri felt like everybody had seen him, though. He didn't feel dirty in the same way as he did the other time, but he felt some kind of way. He tried to distract himself by thinking of his next visit with Kyle. He would be more forward next time. Maybe because he wasn't trying to be active while they had sex, that's why Kyle thought he was done. He would make sure his wants were recognized. It would be more enjoyable that way.

When he got home, his father gave him a quip for being home half an hour late, but didn't go much farther than that after Yuuri apologized, saying he'd just lost track of time. Yuuri went straight to his room, suddenly very tired.

He slept like a rock, not even bothering to change out of his clothes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wheeeeeeeeeew boy this chapter was a long time coming.
> 
> this chapter is like an intro to my second message; don't take someone else's medication, especially if you don't know what it is. there's more to this, but so far, this is all we got.
> 
> but real talk, this is going to get far worse before it gets better, so strap in, turn your airbags on and get ready for me to slam on the gas. its going to speed up from here on out.
> 
> also sorry that this chapter is kind of shivering on moldy wooden stilts. my writer's block is still eating me from the inside out and i've been trying to word stuff properly, but it just comes out kinda weird every time oops. im working on it i swear
> 
> if there's any spelling or formatting errors, tell me and i'll fix it.
> 
> thanks for reading, i appreciate all feedback <3


	8. Grounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentioned/implied underage sex, mentioned/implied drug use, internalized homophobia/biphobia, self loathing
> 
> if i need more, please tell me

Yuuri stumbled home from the train station, his high beginning to wear off and drowsiness pulling heavily at his eyelids. It was a wonder he even made it off of the train in his state.

Yuuri had been to Kyle's home multiple times since his first visit, if not to see Kyle then to take more of what he had the first time. He wasn't sure how he had lasted this long without it. When he took that pill, nothing mattered except what he was feeling. This night, he'd believed he could feel the air molecules while Kyle was balls deep inside of him. Yuuri was sure it must've been a sight, but at the time, he didn't really care.

He'd also started taking two instead of one. He was sure his small dosage and general reluctance are what made the sex so lacklustre the first time because now he could feel the blood coursing through Kyle's veins when he was inside of Yuuri. He couldn't even begin to describe the sensation.

But, there was always the subsequent crash of drowsiness. It was two in the morning. He had school in three hours. He had to get to sleep soon if he wanted to even be able to pry his eyes open the next day.

What followed the crash was a strange feeling of emptiness. He felt like nothing was happening. If it wasn't extreme, it didn't feel real. To Yuuri, sometimes the high was a better interpretation of reality than sobriety was. The world was better when he was hyper-aware of it.

Yuuri tried to sneak into his home through the back kitchen door. The door was metal, but it was the only entrance that didn't have a security camera hooked up nearby.

Unfortunately, the door itself acted as an alarm when it clicked shut. It alerted his parents, who were up and waiting for him when he got back. He was called into the main staff lounge just off of the kitchen within seconds. The looks on his parents' faces could've melted Yuuri's core and threw the remnants in the ocean.

"Where have you been, Yuuri!? We looked everywhere for you and you didn't answer your phone. We even had the Suzukis looking for you. Yuuko was as worried as we were." His mother began instantly. Yuuri's stomach dropped. Even in his tired brain, that rang like a bell. He'd caused a stir for seeing his boyfriend. He couldn't just tell them he was out taking pills and having sex with a 30-year-old man, though. They'd kill him.

"I-," Yuuri began, trying to formulate his new lie, but was cut off by his father, who pulled his scarf off of his neck. He pulled just forcefully enough to let Yuuri know he was in huge trouble. Yuuri hoped he hadn't visibly paled once his neck was revealed. There weren't many marks, but it didn't take a lot for his parents to know what he'd done, at least partially. They weren't stupid.

"And what are these? Are you seeing a girl behind our backs." Toshiya said, gesturing to the few hickeys on his neck. Yuuri couldn't decide if he should be ashamed that they knew he'd been making out with someone or if he should be thrilled they assumed it was with a girl and not another man.

And oh boy, if they could see the rest of his body. He'd have to slip into the restroom stall to change for gym. He had hickeys all over his thighs, especially the back. That was a decidedly 'gay' area for hickeys. No woman in their right mind would suck a hickey there, but a man would.

"Y-Yeah, I've been seeing a girl. I didn't even think about it and I lost track of time. I'm sorry, I know I shouldn't be doing those types of things. I'll stop if you want me to." Yuuri said, bowing down in apology, even if his apology was full of lies. He wasn't going to stop seeing Kyle -how could he? He loved Kyle- and he hadn't been seeing a girl, but he'd gladly keep up the facade so long as it made him feel protected from the wrath of parents finding out their son is a disgusting pervert.

"We want to meet her, but then you'll stop talking to her. You aren't leaving this house unless there's someone to watch you. Your sister will walk you to the train station, Yuuko will bring you home. I am not risking any more of this curfew breaking and reckless behaviour. Rebelliousness is one thing, but I worry about your safety, Yuuri." Hiroko said. When his mother made a decree, it wasn't going to budge. There was no negotiating with her once she made up her mind. She was kind, but she was stubborn.

Yuuri felt shame creep up his neck. He had to be treated like a baby over some hickeys? To Yuuri, it was an absolute overreaction, especially when he'd promised he wouldn't come home with his neck covered in hickeys (but didn't say anything about the rest of him). On the other hand, he'd come home drunk and crying one night and still visibly high on another. He'd broken curfew almost nearly every time he'd gone out. The punishment, however humiliating and degrading, made sense. Yuuri hated that fact.

"We want your phone, too. Where is it? You won't be making any other plans with this girl either." Toshiya said. Yuuri felt sicker than he had at any of the other parts of his punishment. He had to create another lie to buy him some time to completely log off of Blossom before the found out.

"It's in my room. I forgot it. That's why I didn't answer." Yuuri said. Something on his parents' faces made him believe that they didn't trust him. Maybe that was the worst part, not being trusted by your own parents. Even if he fully deserved the distrust after every single one of his lies, it hurt. It hurt a lot. Still, his parents allowed him to bolt upstairs to get the device.

Yuuri's fingers had never moved faster. He'd sent Kyle a quick text saying 'grounded' and nothing more. He logged off of the site completely and purged the history as much as he could. Once he thought he was safe and he'd heard steps coming up the stairs, he pretended to be rummaging through his desk for it, retrieving it just before his parents made it to the door.

"Here, keep it as long as you want." Yuuri said, putting the flip phone into his mother's palm with a small bow. "I'm sorry, I really am, Mom. I'm sure this will teach me a lesson."

"It had better or I'll have to be more strict. I don't want to micromanage every aspect of your life, but I will if I have to." Hiroko responded. "Now go to sleep, I love you."

"Love you too, Mom." Yuuri said. His parents left the room, but he could still hear them chattering through the sliding door. They were asking themselves where they had gone wrong. Yuuri was supposed to be their angel boy, they must have done something incorrectly.

Yuuri wanted to tell them that it wasn't their fault but knew better than to prolong the episode. He didn't blame his parents for any of his missteps or perversions. They were all his choices and he had been raised by them to hold himself accountable when he did something wrong. As much as punishments upset him, he'd take them over his parents being indifferent. It told them they cared at least a little, even if he knew they cared a lot. They were good to him and his sister.

Yuuri wished he could live up to their expectations, but now there were complications. Kyle was one of them. Kyle was his boyfriend and was important to him. He couldn't just leave him behind. And then there was his perversion. Even if he liked women and men alike, his dick seemed to prefer men much more. Most of the time, he wanted a man. Occasionally he'd want a woman, but it was rare in comparison. He couldn't pretend very well, either. His lies were verbal, he couldn't fake an erection or stop thoughts of wishing he was with a man instead.

Yuuri just crawled into bed, defeated. He didn't know how to sleep. He felt like he didn't deserve it after getting himself grounded and making it so he and Kyle couldn't see each other and making his family and friends worry over him while he was away in chalky ecstacy with a man almost fifteen years older than him, albeit very attractive.

Yuuri just slept in the t-shirt he wore to Kyle's. It smelled like his room; a little musky, but just in the manner that a man would smell. There were hints of a citrusy cologne Yuuri didn't know the name of but didn't care to. He liked the mystery of the scent.

Yuuri fell asleep, the collar of the shirt still collected in his hands and the thought of which girl he knew he could use as a cover-up for his behaviour. He was sure he knew just the girl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah this is super fucking late i am so sorry. i was gonna double chapter as an apology but i decided to just go with a shortened chapter and a promise that i wont be late next week.
> 
> this one was also late because the file i originally had was corrupted and i had to rewrite this thing over again. the original was 2200+ words and this one barely passes 1500 but i feel like this one is sturdier and i bypassed putting mr nasty kyle in there and just talked about him
> 
> but on the actual story, if u havent picked it up yet, yuuri is taking opiods and getting high off of them. hes taking oxycontin to be exact. thats dangerous. dont do it.
> 
> also holy SHIT yuuri is naive. but really you cant blame him. he doesnt really know much better and is convinced kyle loves him which, if it wasnt obvious, he does not. yuuri thinks sexual attraction equals love and this will get him in trouble
> 
> also hes grounded and well see what girl hes talking about next chapter (fat reminder that yuuri is actually kinda popular in school too but only bc hes pretending to be someone he isnt) ;0
> 
> if theres any spelling, grammar or formatting problems, let me know
> 
> i appreciate feedback very very much my loves <3


	9. Kaori

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: none that i know of, but tell me if i should add one

Yuuri trudged to the train station, in tow of Mari, who kept grilling him the entire time. He didn’t want to talk at all right then, his head pounding and his eyes squinting against the morning sun.

 

“So, what did you even do?” Mari asked. Yuuri groaned, not willing to answer. “Come on, don’t give me the cold shoulder.”

 

Yuuri was very adamant about giving almost everyone the cold shoulder. He felt as if the second he opened his mouth, the yogurt he’d swallowed down for breakfast was going to come right back up. He felt like he could feel the wriggling yogurt bacteria in his stomach, itching to get out. Mari gave him a gentle smack on the side of his neck.

 

“I saw the hickeys this morning before you covered them. I’m your sister, you can tell me. I won’t snitch as long as you aren’t hurting yourself.” She assured him. She most certainly would snitch if he told the truth. His family would never understand his problem, much less have any clue how to wrap their heads around what Kyle meant to him. He could never tell them.

 

“It’s a girl, okay?! Happy now?” Yuuri spat the same half-baked lie he’d given his parents. “I don’t want to talk about it right now. My head is killing me.”

 

“Fine, but I’ll keep bothering you until I know the truth. Now go to school.” Mari said lightheartedly. Yuuri knew Mari meant well and was just teasing Yuuri, but it still made him shudder at the thought of keeping up the ‘I’m with a girl’ facade. He didn’t know how long he’d actually be able to do it or how long the girl he had in mind would play along, if she would at all.

 

The train ride was a blur. Yuuko and Takeshi were always at school before Yuuri was because of sports, so Yuuri hadn’t had anyone to keep his attention span busy. He was sure he’d dozed off at least a few times, leaning against the pole until the train was too full to do so. After that, his eyes scanned the train, studying peoples’ faces as much as he could without seeming too weird.

 

Everyone looked the same; tired. He felt it too. Fatigue rattled his body down to its core. He’d only slept a few hours and it felt like he was still on a crash. Yuuri hated that feeling. He momentarily felt his body urge him to find Kyle and beg for more pills, kissing the man’s boots if he had to. Sometimes, when it had been a while, he really felt like that was a good option. Luckily he hadn’t stooped down so far, though.

 

When Yuuri arrived at school, he nearly grimaced. He didn’t want to be there. He wanted to be away somewhere, sleeping the crash off before starting the process over again. But, of course, he had to get himself caught and had to make up that lie. He didn’t necessarily want to do it, but if he wanted to see Kyle again, he’d have to.

 

Yuuri formulated his plan on the way to class. He steeled himself to execute said plan when he saw the little sign saying 4-E. His class number. He was going to go up to Kaori, a friend he had made in junior high. They hadn’t grown close until this year, but he felt very one-sided. He didn’t get on with her as well as she seemed to think they did. Yuuri hoped and prayed this would work. He figured he could act for at least a few weeks.

 

Koari sat in the desk next to his. She was already there when he arrived, talking with two of their other friends, Fukase and Yukito. Yuuri walked up to them, trying not to appear nervous. He wasn’t going to blow this. He needed this.

 

“Hey, what’s up with you? You look like you just got hit by a bus.” Fukase said. He was taller than Yuuri by at least two inches, and Yuuri was already considered relatively tall. He towered over Kaori by seven inches and was taller than Yukito by only one. 

 

“I might as well have been. I hardly got any sleep last night.” Yuuri relented, slumping in his chair, haphazardly hanging his bag on the side of it.

 

“Why?” Kaori asked. Her voice was high, but soft. Yuuri had decided to call it an ‘ultra-feminine’ voice. It suited her.

 

“I. . . I’ve just been thinking a lot lately.” Yuuri mumbled. He didn’t want to be too upfront about the Kaori mess. He’d seem weird then.

 

But he was also terrified of hurting Kaori, but he was the only girl he could think of that would be willing to cover for him, even if for a short period of time.

 

“Yeah, about tits.” Fukase teased, shoving Yuuri playfully. Yuuri’s face heated in shock at what his friend had said, but they laughed. He was covering up well.

 

“As if you don’t. Stop being an ass.” Yuuri argued back. Fukase shoved himself into Yuuri’s chair next to him.

 

“What can I say?” He said. Yuuri finally allowed himself to smile and laugh. It felt good to alleviate the stress for a short moment.

 

Yuuri eyed Kaori for the rest of the day. He was sure that his friends had noticed, especially considering the looks Fukase and Yukito had given him during break and how Kaori didn’t look at him as much as she usually would.

 

Yuuri made it a point to catch up with Kaori before she managed to leave for yearbook club. Fukase and Yukito usually left when the four of them split after changing back into their outdoor shoes. This time, instead of waiting outside for Yuuko, he followed after Kaori, praying Yuuko wouldn’t leave without him and he’d end up in more trouble.

 

“Kaori, can I talk to you for a second?” Yuuri asked, settling a hand on her shoulder. He was glad they were already friends. The gesture made it feel more genuine for him, even if this was all an elaborate set up to save his own ass.

 

He was selfish, he knew it, but he had to do this. Ultimately, it was all for Kyle.

 

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Kaori said. Her voice shook slightly. Yuuri was already feeling the dread pile into him by the pound. She was nervous. Yuuri could only hope it wasn’t bad nervousness.

 

“I, uh, well, how do I put this?” Yuuri mumbled.

 

_ Stop stalling and get it over with. Or do you  _ want _ to lose Kyle forever? _ , Yuuri’s brain snapped at him.

 

“Yuuri, before you say anything, let me say something first.” She said, stopping Yuuri before he could begin. Her hand reached Yuuri’s. She was clammy. She pulled Yuuri into the closet full of spare cleaning supplies. “I just need to get this out of the way. I’m not interested in guys. At all. I never will be. I don’t hate you or anything, I just don’t see you like that.”

 

Yuuri stared at her. He knew more than anyone that lesbians and the like didn’t have a specific look or behaviour, but it still caught him off guard. He never would have guessed. Yuuri let out a breath. He didn’t have to hurt her now. At least, not yet.

 

“Uh, that isn’t it. I was going to tell you basically the same thing. I-” Yuuri took in a breath. There was a lump in his throat, threatening to burst. He had never said this kind of thing out loud, not even to himself. “I-I like guys. Only most of the time so it isn’t bad or anything, I j-just. . . I was out with a guy one or two nights ago and my parents caught me. I had a few m-marks on my neck. I panicked and said I was with a girl and they wanted to meet her. I needed someone to cover for me and you’re the only person I trusted enough.”

 

_ ‘Liar’ _ , Yuuri’s thoughts started up again.  _ ‘Your entire plan was to save your own relationship with no care for anyone else. Stop trying to sound righteous.’ _

 

Kaori was looking at him, but she didn’t have any particular expression on. She didn’t stop holding onto his hand.

 

“Then I guess we’re both the same, huh?” She said, quietly. Yuuri nodded. He felt like he was about to cry. He felt like he was going to die. He leaned forward, desperate for something to hold onto. Kaori didn’t stop him. Her kindness was too much and he finally let out a choked sob. She let him cry until he had nothing left.

 

“I’m sorry about crying on you. I’ve just never said that to anyone before.” Yuuri apologized, rubbing his eyes on his sleeve.

 

“Don’t worry, I remember how I felt telling my sister. It’s scary, trust me, I know. I’m glad you told me.” Kaori said. She smiled at him and pulled him down into a careful hug. They rarely even touched. It was a social no-no. He somehow fell into it easily, however. He felt like a little bit of his absurdly heavy secret had been lifted from his chest. He could breathe a little.

 

Kaori let go of him after a few moments. She gave him a careful grin.

 

“Tell your parents I’d be delighted to meet them on Saturday morning at a place of their house if they so choose.” She said. Yuuri watched her walk off to the classroom where yearbook club was held.

 

Yuuri sprinted out to the front of the school, where he saw Yuuko waiting for him. He let out a relieved sigh.

 

“Jeez, where were you? I waited to save your skin.” Yuuko said. Yuuri felt a tiny prick, but he knew deep down that Yuuko must have been teasing. She couldn’t have meant it.

 

“Sorry, I got caught up in a conversation.’” Yuuri said apologetically. That wasn’t a lie, exactly. His conscience was clear in regards to that.

 

The ride home was filled with light conversation, allowing Yuuri to realize how much he missed just hanging out with his friends and doing school stuff. As much as he liked being with Kyle, being at that apartment made him feel older, which he liked at the moment, but it ultimately made him miss stuff like talking with his friends on the train ride home.

 

Yuuko walked Yuuri home. He felt awkward about it, but it made sense that it was likely something his parents insisted on. His father greeted him when he walked in. It was still tense, but it had let up a small amount thanks to him being home on time, just like promised. He wouldn’t be going anywhere that night.

 

He’d trusted Kaori with his secret, and she’d trusted him with hers. They knew better than to spill the other’s information.

 

As far as his parents were concerned, she was his girlfriend.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the whole coming out to kaori is a big deal to yuuri, i just wanna let you know. idk if any of u are lgbt, but coming out (or the prospect of coming out) is extraordinarily terrifying, especially when you live in 2000s Japan, which was (and kind of still is oops) pretty homophobic.
> 
> yuuri didn't have to hurt her though!!
> 
> y e t
> 
> sorry for being late again too. lethargy is hitting me pretty hard also i almost broke my nose and my allergies are flaring up yay. im trying to keep up i swear to u
> 
> thanks for reading though!! tell me if theres a formatting, spelling, etc issue i need to fix n i will do that
> 
> i appreciate any and all feedback <3


	10. Revisited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait!! i'll try to explain myself at the end
> 
> tw: dubious consent, drug use, Kyle
> 
> please tell me if you think i should add more.

It’d been a little over a month since Yuuri’s punishment had begun. Kaori had met his parents and subsequently assured them she wouldn’t keep him out anymore. She was a great actress, pretending as though any of this phased her.

Since then, life had calmed down. He went to the train station with his sister, walked to school after getting to Fukuoka, etcetera, etcetera. His life was okay.

Yuuri missed Kyle dearly. He missed the pills too. Painkillers from the bathroom just didn’t cut it. He’d always have to take upwards of five to feel even the tiniest buzz. It was starting to irritate him.

Yuuri had heard his parents discussing his punishment one night, saying they might end it soon. That time couldn’t come soon enough. He wouldn’t be going out at night as often, but he needed to get to Kyle at some point, possibly on the weekends. He wouldn’t be staying out at night so his parents had less of a reason to worry.

And that day had finally come.

“Yuuri, you have to promise you won’t stay out at night like that anymore. If we catch you again, you’ll be lucky if you even get to look outside past dark.” Hiroko said. She had his phone in her hands and a stern look on her face. She could be intimidating when she really wanted to be.

“Of course, Mom. I should have known better.” Yuuri said. His head was bowed down a little in shame.

“You’re absolutely right, you should have,” Hiroko said. She put the blue phone into Yuuri’s hand. “Now, go on. I’ll be expecting you down here at your usual time to help.”

Yuuri smiled and gave his mother a hug before going up to his room. He had Kyle back and he couldn’t wait to talk to him. He huddled up into his bed before getting onto Blossom to talk to Kyle.

_**Eros^^** : hi!! I know its been forever, but my mom finally gave me my phone back. _

_**Eros^^** : dont worry i made sure everything was purged before i gave it over _

_**Kyle00** : Shit hey. I thought you’d just stopped talking to me. _

_**Eros^^** : i told u i was grounded :/ _

_**Kyle00** : I know, it just seemed like a long time. _

_**Eros^^** : im sorry. my parents were suuper mad about the breaking curfew and having hickeys. _

_**Eros^^** : speaking of which, hide them better next time!! _

_**Kyle00** : Next time? Already thinking of a date? _

_**Eros^^** : ya of course _

_**Eros^^** : did u think i was just gonna stop seeing you?? i miss u way too much! _

_**Kyle00** : How about you come over for a little bit tomorrow after you get out of school? The maintenance finally got done and I won’t keep you for too long. _

_**Eros^^** : sounds great! And i hate to sound greedy but do u have any of the stuff you gave me last time? just been feeling out of it lately n thought it might help _

_**Kyle00** : Of course. See you tomorrow. _

_**Eros^^:** see u and love u _

Yuuri had to hold back a squeal of joy. Kyle missed him. Kyle had been hung up about his absence. He would get to see him soon.

Yuuri’s heart fluttered just thinking about the man. He treated him so well and always gave Yuuri what he wanted, sometimes without even needing Yuuri to ask. It was like he could read his mind.

Yes, they were soulmates. They were meant to be. Yuuri would have him no matter what his family thought.

\--

Yuuri settled himself into Kyle’s couch, smiling when he felt the spot next to him sink a little. Yuuri hadn’t had enough time to change and didn’t really want to face his parents before coming to Kyle’s just in case they asked questions. Besides, he was too excited to see Kyle to put it off.

“I missed you.” Yuuri mumbled as Kyle’s hand slowly pulled his shirt out of his waistband to press his fingers to the small of his back. The touch was electric and Yuuri could feel it in every nerve in his body.

Yuuri kissed Kyle harder than he ever had before, trying to show the man how much he really missed him. Their faces were squished in a mess of tongues and heat. Kyle was the one who pulled back first.

“Don’t you want your treat?” Kyle asked. Yuuri bit his lip and nodded his head a few times. Kyle reached over into his endtable drawer, pulling out a sandwich bag and setting it down on the top, then putting Yuuri on his lap. Yuuri moved from side to side as Kyle opened the bag and pulled out two tablets.

“Open your mouth.” Kyle whispered. Yuuri complied easily, opening his mouth and poking his tongue out just slightly. The tablets were placed on his tongue. Yuuri was past the point of water and just tipped his head back, the tablets sliding down quickly.

The high, again, didn’t take long and Yuuri was almost immediately overtaken by the sensations of everything around him. He’d missed the sound of blood rushing in his ears and the sensitivity in his skin. As long as he had Kyle, he would have an escape.

Kyle just felt him up while Yuuri trembled against him at every touch. It was a lot, having been away from it for so long. Yuuri had forgotten just how intense the high really was. It was a good intense, though.

Once the high began to settle, Yuuri glanced at the clock on the wall, nearly jumping out of Kyle’s lap.

“I’ve got to get home. It’ll start getting dark soon and I have to be home before then. Drop me off at the train station?” Yuuri questioned.

“Alright, but let me just feel you one last time. It’s been way too long.” Kyle mumbled. Yuuri relented, too tired to object and let Kyle finish up before slipping his shoes on and readjusting his clothes.

Yuuri grinned, realizing his clothes smelled like Kyle’s scent again. He got a new piece to keep with him. He kept smiling as he followed the man out of his apartment building and to his car.

The ride was silent, but Yuuri didn’t mind. He felt himself drifting to sleep but kept pinching himself to stay awake. He wanted to get home on time and sleeping wouldn’t help, no matter how good a nap sounded.

“Come see me again this weekend if you can. I’ve been setting up a surprise for you.” Kyle said as Yuuri got out of the car. Yuuri’s split into another smile immediately.

Kyle really did care.

“Really?!” Yuuri questioned. Kyle nodded and Yuuri leaned over and gave Kyle a kiss.

“I’ll come over Saturday afternoon. I can’t stay overnight or anything, but that will give us a few hours.” Yuuri assured Kyle before waving and closing the door.

The teen practically skipped into the station, mind wondering what could possibly in store for him that weekend. Yuuri couldn’t even begin to guess. Kyle was full of surprises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woooooow i waited forever to shit this out didn't i?? i apologize. it began with me just not having the time and i got bogged down with school and family stuff, but then it turned into me just not having any inspiration for this at all. this chapter really isn't the best, but i am planning to drop a big plot point next chapter, so that should reinvigorate it a little, which is something this story really needs.
> 
> don't get me wrong, i still stand for the messages i'm trying to spread, i'm just not sure how to write it out.
> 
> another note, just in case it needs to be said again, theres a dead dove do not eat warning now. im writing whats on the tin without explicitly condemning it in the material itself since im writing it through the victims perspective. thanks for understanding this fact.
> 
> ALSOOO, this will not be in absolute accordance with 177013. i realized that i haven't mentioned this at any other point and what better time than now?? there will be no incest or Yuuri being beaten by his mother and being kicked out over such an event. 177013 inspired this but it is by no means an AU. please keep this in mind if you are aware of the content of 177013 and are expecting the same major events.
> 
> anywho, thanks for reading and let me know if you see any mistakes. i appreciate any kind of feedback and will always try to get back to you :)


	11. New Friends in New Places

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> big cw for this one. we take a big leap in this story. please pay attention to these (or don't if you think you can handle it and don't want spoilers):
> 
> hard drug use, peer pressure/coercion, rape by inability to consent and coercion, underage, self hatred, Kyle and his douchebag friends
> 
> please tell me if you think i need to add more

Saturday approached slowly but surely and it couldn’t come any faster. As soon as school ended on Friday, Yuuri nearly skipped home. He wished he could have just gone to sleep so Saturday could come quicker, but instead he had to stay up and begin the evening shift, then clean the bathhouses and then take a shower before he could get into bed.

But once it was all over and Saturday had finally come along, Yuuri couldn’t hide his smile. Kyle had a surprise for him.

Yuuri skipped through the slow morning shift, took Vicchan for a short walk and then changed work shifts with Mari.

“You look excited. Where are you off to?” His sister questioned. That made Yuuri skid to a halt. He needed a cover up.

Kaori? No, his parents already forbade him from talking to her outside of school and Mari would surely tattle on him.

Fukase? No, he was at a baseball championship for the school. His parents knew because Yuuko’s cousin was on the Fukuoka team as well and she blabbed all about it last time she visited with her parents.

Yukito. He was the one. He lived in Fukuoka and Yuuri’s parents trusted Yukito enough to not feel like he had to call and Yuuri trusted him enough to know he wouldn’t rat him out in the event they did call.

“I’m going to Yukito’s. He has a copy of that new game I was looking at and I’m pretty interested in seeing what it’s all about.” Yuuri lied.

‘Lying again already? You’ve got to be kidding me.’ Yuuri’s subconscious hissed, but Yuuri willed it to shut up. Mari shrugged and let him go. He didn’t need to elaborate any further.

Yuuri ran out of the door and rushed towards the train station. Talking to Mari put him behind schedule by two minutes. He wanted to see Kyle’s surprise right on time and needed to be back by evening. He couldn't be falling behind like this.

The train ride was probably the most unbearable part. Yuuri kept fiddling with the hem of his shirt and bouncing on the balls of his feet, much to the chagrin of the people standing next to him. He just couldn’t calm down.

Yuuri almost cartwheeled off the train, settling himself in the spot Kyle told him he would pick him up at. It was near a set of trees not far off from the entrance of the train station. People usually got picked up there so it wouldn’t draw any attention. He could be in and they’d be on their way.

Kyle’s car drove up not long after Yuuri arrived at the pickup spot. The teen smiled and walked over to the car, letting himself in and greeting Kyle with a kiss on the cheek. Kyle drove off shortly afterwards.

‘Fucking disgusting, kissing a man. You need to stop this phase and move on.  He isn’t going to be here forever.’ Yuuri’s subconscious reared its ugly head once again. These thoughts only came up when he wasn’t hopped up on something. That always made it go away. Yuuri hated being sober, but he wanted to be alert for Kyle’s surprise.

“Where are you taking me?” Yuuri asked once he realized they weren’t going down the normal path to Kyle’s house. He’d caught up on the route fairly quickly.

“A friend’s place. Don’t worry, they’re cool people and I’ll be there the whole time. You’re gonna get home when you need to be.” Kyle answered, assuring him once he saw Yuuri’s worried look.

“What’s your friend like?” Yuuri questioned, relaxing into the passenger seat a little.

“Decent. A little full of himself but otherwise a reasonable person. I think you’ll get along just fine.” Kyle replied. 

Some silence passed before either one of them spoke again.

“We’re going to have another friend there, but he’s okay, too. You’re going to be safe.” Kyle mentioned as they pulled onto a fairly secluded street. It seemed like it was well-lit, at least at night, but Yuuri always struggled with places he’d never been to before. Kyle wrapped his arm around Yuuri’s shoulders, as if he had sensed his distress, and while it helped a little, it didn’t do too much to quell his real worries.

‘This place is really going to ruin you.’ Yuuri’s mind said firmly to him, but he covered it up by repeating ‘Kyle is here, he’ll keep me safe if any of these creeps try anything. I trust him.’ in his head over and over.

Kyle knocked on the door in a rhythm like ‘dun dun da-da-dun’ before letting himself in with a key he had hooked to his belt. His arm left Yuuri while he opened the door, but it quickly found it’s way back to Yuuri’s body once the two were heading inside.

The first thing that Yuuri noticed about the place was the way it smelled. It was like chemicals got spilled into a garden. He couldn’t decide whether it was a medical smell or an earthy smell, but either way, he didn’t like it much at all. Still, he’d endure it for Kyle. Perhaps this was just a detour and he had a short errand to run here before the actual surprise began. That had to be it.

Yuuri couldn’t help but feel his palms begin to grow sweaty, no matter what he told himself. He didn’t like this place. It was dimly lit and he knew there was probably something in there he shouldn’t be involved in but wasn’t what he was doing with Kyle also technically illegal? He had met Kyle one what could only be called a prostitution site, despite only using the website as a way to contact Kyle and otherwise having blacked out his account completely, erasing all photos of himself and his description, the site was still against the law. He’d be in trouble with the police if they found out about that, so this wasn’t too much worse. He could deal with it.

Kyle began speaking in English, which Yuuri found odd and difficult to follow, but he could make out the general gist of what they were saying thanks to diligence in school and his mother’s best friend Minako’s help with tutoring.

Kyle said something about a surprise and another man with pale hair came out from behind a slightly closed door. He looked okay if Yuuri had to describe him, far from Kyle’s level, but not bad looking either. He was plain, just like Yuuri was.

Kyle asked the other man where someone named ‘Smithy’ was. The average one said he was in the bedroom and would be out soon and to just start the stuff already. Yuuri felt a churn deep in his stomach, but he didn’t want Kyle to think he was eavesdropping, because it was clear that Kyle was under the assumption that Yuuri didn’t speak English well enough to understand what was being said. Yuuri kept his lips sealed, for better or for worse.

“Yuuri, this is Nem. He’s a good friend of mine. He has the surprise I saved for you but it isn’t ready yet. Why don’t we go wait on the couch?” Kyle said to Yuuri. Yuuri nodded, bowing very slightly to Nem in greeting before following Kyle out of the room to the light brown couch in the living room.

Yuuri sat very gingerly, still unsure of his surroundings and laced up so tight he was close to snapping. Kyle placed his hand on Yuuri’s arm in an attempt to calm him down.

“I know you weren’t expecting this. I should have told you. I just didn't want to ruin the surprise. I hope you understand.” Kyle mumbled, rubbing small circles into Yuuri’s skin. Yuuri couldn’t stay mad at him.

“It’s okay. I’ll be fine. Thanks for thinking about me.” Yuuri smiled just a little. Kyle smiled back, but turned his attention to Nem just as he walked into the room. He was holding a small bag, no bigger than half of Yuuri’s palm, filled almost to a fourth with a white substance Yuuri had only heard of in drug prevention. It was probably cocaine and Yuuri was certain he shouldn’t be around any of that, but he had no clue where he was and Kyle would think he was ungrateful if he tried to run off.

One try couldn’t hurt. He’d leave it all behind after this. It’s all for Kyle.

Yuuri stamped on his subconscious before it could even say anything to him. Kyle guided him off of the couch and over towards the small table in the kitchen, setting him down in a chair. Nem and Kyle sat near him. Kyle’s hand was continuously rubbing at his knee and thigh while Nem poured some of the bag’s contents onto the table, separating it with a business card to some random restaurant Yuuri had never been to.

“It’s like taking ten of those pills. You’ll feel great. If you don’t, you never have to do it again. One hit won’t hurt.” Kyle said as a rolled up piece of paper was offered to him.

“How do I even do this?” Yuuri questioned innocently, trying to stall for time. He was nervous. He didn’t know if he really wanted to do this.

“Come on, I paid big money for this and its all yours. Just try it. Here, watch me.” Kyle said, plucking the paper from Yuuri’s fingers. He was right, it wasn’t good of him to refuse a gift. Even his parents thought so. Even if you don’t like it, show gratitude that someone even bothered to think of you and get something to show it.

Kyle quickly sniffed through the paper, flinging his head back once the line was gone with a small sigh. He stayed that way for a moment before handing the roll back to Yuuri, who was still unsure. Nem began speaking in English to Kyle again and Yuuri was able to catch short pieces of their conversation but looked down and fiddled with the paper to appear dumb.

‘You are dumb.’ Yuuri’s brain told him, but he pushed the bad thoughts aside again. He supposed this would make the thoughts go away and soon he’d have his familiar pills back and everything would be okay.

“He’s a kid. Why didn’t you bring someone else.” Nem said. Yuuri couldn’t make out exactly what Kyle said because he went to fast and used words Yuuri never learned, but he said something along the lines of Yuuri being able to get over it and take it anyways.

Yuuri didn’t want to disappoint Kyle. Kyle wouldn’t love him anymore if he did.

Yuuri quickly sniffed up what he could before finding it caught in his throat. He coughed heavily to try and avoid the stinging sensation. Nem chuckled slightly before being slapped on the arm by Kyle. Yuuri almost smiled, knowing that Kyle was defending him.

“See, it wasn’t that bad. It was just your first time. It happens to the best of us. Here, try finishing the rest.” Kyle reassured him, gently guiding him back to what was left of the line on the table. Yuuri reluctantly finished it in an effort to try and please Kyle. It was a gift, after all, and Yuuri was sure it was very expensive.

The effects set in quicker than anything he had ever felt. It wasn’t even that intense at first, it was just that it was a new sensation that came so quickly.

A hand was on Yuuri’s back, but he didn’t really react at first. It wasn’t Kyle and it wasn’t Nem. Yuuri looked back to see someone he’d never met before.

This man was intimidating, to say the least. He was bulky and one of his pupils seemed to be permanently dilated. This had to be Smithy.  He was looking down at Yuuri and he suddenly felt like prey. He looked over helplessly at Kyle, who simply grabbed his hand and looked him in the eye.

“I need you to just let him do what he wants with you. I’ll be right here. Just pretend its me.” Kyle said. As Yuuri slipped into a deeper high, he found himself agreeing with Kyle and relaxing just slightly. He looked down at what was left on the table, to which Kyle simply nodded.

“Take as much as you need. It’s all yours.”

Yuuri took another line. It was much easier this time, his nose and throat feeling numbed. The high became more  intense and Yuuri almost lost control of his body, feeling a slight trickle of a warm and wet fluid fall down his legs, but not fully exploding.

Nem said something in English, but Yuuri was too far gone to comprehend what he said. Kyle had laughed, but Yuuri didn’t care.

Yuuri didn’t do much besides steady himself on the table as he was lifted from the chair and his belt was undone. His pants were pulled down, but embarrassment quickly came and went.

‘This is Kyle, no one else. You’re doing this for him. You’ll be okay.’ Yuuri kept chanting to himself. He’s had to remind himself of that too many times that day, but that too was slowly slipping away.

Yuuri felt pressure before feeling the overwhelming feeling of being filled. He couldn’t stop himself from making a noise. He heard the faint sounds of laughing again but did nothing. It didn’t matter anymore. Everything was sensitive and exaggerated. He wasn’t even sure if anything was real.

Time passed at a strange pace. Sometimes it was fast and other times it was slow. It was like drinking too much coffee, but it didn’t feel uncomfortable. It was bizarre, but soon his pants were being hitched up, regardless of the sticky feeling and uncharacteristic tightness, and he was being settled back down onto the chair.

He was sure he felt a cloth go across his face, but all he felt was warm and damp, like a mouth, but it wasn’t a mouth because he couldn’t feel the breath. It was just a normal rag.

Yuuri wasn’t even thinking anymore, he was just feeling, however strange that sounds.

Soon enough, he was being packed into the car and driven home. Without another word, Yuuri was piled into the train with only a sliver of hope that he’d be able to make it home on his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i told you guys id put in a big plot point
> 
> yeah,, this is a big turning point in the story. hes still headed down the same path but its clearly much more serious now. i dont wanna give too much away so ill stop talking abt that here. (also if ur wondering what that liquid down yuuris legs was, he pissed himself.)
> 
> anywho remember that kyle is a rich druggie with rich druggie friends who are quite obviously manipulating a young, insecure, naive, impressionable teen. fucking nasty right? good, im glad were on the same page.
> 
> anyways i hope this was interesting to read despite its content matter and thanks for the hits (and all the comments and kudos ive been getting lately, i really appreciate it <3)
> 
> please tell me if i have any formatting/grammar/spelling issues so i can fix them. i dont have a beta so its hard for me to catch some of this stuff (and also im afraid to look for one because i get insecure abt my mediocre writing skills but i swear im working on it i will make progress).
> 
> i appreciate any and all feedback and will always try to get back to you asap


	12. Faces at Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentioned/implied underage sex, mentioned/implied hard drug use, self-loathing, Kyle, trying to justify shitty people
> 
> please tell me if i need to add more

Yuuri had somehow managed to convince his parents that Kyle was a friend from school named Ryuki Tanomara. How he did it, he had not a clue, but he wasn’t complaining.

In his parents’ defence, it had been almost a year since the original incident with Kaori. They probably thought his behaviour was back in check and they could be laxer with him and let him become more independent. They had the inn to focus on, they couldn’t be focusing on him all the time.

Ryuki Tanomara was on the track team. Ryuki Tanomara tutored Yuuri in Social Studies on Friday afternoons after his track practice. On Friday, his parents weren’t to expect Yuuri home until seven at night, as the studying didn’t actually start until five thanks to track. Ryuki Tanomara didn’t have perfect grades, but he always had good participation, making him well-liked among teachers and the student body. He was en route to a scholarship to the University of Tokyo for track and field and his dream was to be on the Japanese Olympic track team.

Ryuki Tanomara was, of course, fake, but the thought of him existing quelled his parents’ worries and made Yuuri’s life much easier.

Yuuri had gotten a little more adventurous with Kyle and his friends. Yuuri stopped getting embarrassed over having to be with people like Smithy and whatnot. He hadn’t had any issues and had gotten a quick STD screening a few weeks ago, not unusual for an almost seventeen-year-old boy. Besides, it certainly put his mind at ease.

He had to pay for his occasional line of cocaine somehow, and the cost was far more than he could cover. They said that fucking was enough and Yuuri took it.

His mind had told him over and over how much of a slut he was for this, how horribly ashamed his family would be if they found out, but the urge for a high was always so much stronger. Some days, he just wasn’t himself. The urge would completely overtake him. He’d bickered with Mari far more than he was proud of and had to bite his tongue around his parents on multiple occasions. It would make him angry.

If it was really bad, he’d complain of a headache or upset stomach, break into the medicine cabinet and down as many pills as he needed for a high. Aspirin usually wasn’t as strong as the stuff he’d get from Kyle. It took more and he hadn’t had any serious issues. He’d keep it under control and everything would be fine.

Kyle could get that way, too. He’d yell at Yuuri sometimes, but it was never enough to turn him away. Kyle was not only his soulmate but his pipeline. He had too much riding on that man to run away when things got a little tough. Yuuri would just have to suck it up. He knew the urge never felt good and he had said some poor things too.

Today, Kyle was sweet to him.

“You know, I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Kyle had mumbled as Yuuri was getting his clothes back on.

“Probably with someone else. I’m glad you haven’t kicked me out yet.” The younger replied, hiking his pants up, pocket full of pills he’d get to take home for being especially good. He’d done everything Kyle asked of him.

“I would never kick you out,” Kyle said. He was high, Yuuri knew that, but the sound of that phrase couldn’t help but make him smile.

“Well, I’m glad,” Yuuri said, crawling up to Kyle to kiss him. It was short, but it was enough. Kyle wasn’t someone who liked affection unless they were having sex. Yuuri supposed he understood.

“I have to start heading home.” Yuuri continued as he pulled himself off the bed. “I’ll see you next Friday?”

“Of course you will. How about we go over to Nem’s? He says he got a new stock and it’s clean. Perfect white.” Kyle groaned, still coming down from euphoria.

“That sounds nice. Well, bye. I love you.” Yuuri finished, his hand on the doorknob to the hall. It didn’t actually sound all that nice. They had been going over there a lot lately. But, anything for Kyle. It was never  _ that  _ bad. He could handle it.

Yuuri left, not expecting a reply. Kyle didn’t need to flatter Yuuri all the time anymore. He was a big boy, he didn’t need it. He could wish he had it all he wanted, but relationships were about sacrifice and compromise at the end of the day and he had to deal with it.

As Yuuri was on the train, he wondered how he could recount his day to his parents. Perhaps he and Ryuki went over an especially difficult assignment about the Japanese economy during World War II. He and Ryuki made a detour to the convenience store, both buying a quick snack, which was eaten on the walk towards the train. Ryuki took a different line home, so Yuuri left shortly after he boarded his train, as usual.

Perfect. Completely unassuming.

Yuuri double checked his neck for marks in the train station bathroom in Hasetsu before heading home. He had begun to carry a small compact of concealer around. He had been handled especially rough one night a long time ago, resulting in a small mark on his cheekbone. It warranted some minor worry from his parents, but after claiming it was a small roughhousing match with his friends that resulted in him falling over and bruising his cheek, the issue was dropped. He’d carried the makeup ever since.

Luckily there were no bruises or marks or anything. Kyle didn’t give those much anymore, but the idea of having to check still gave Yuuri butterflies in his stomach.

After finishing up, Yuuri started on his way home. He looked at people walking down the street, wondering how it felt to not know much about him. In Hasetsu, everyone knew everyone, but that didn’t mean they were all friends. They simply knew names.

Ms. Saraki was a stout woman with an ill temper. She’d moved into the community when Yuuri was around four. He played in her yard with Yuuko and another friend, thinking it was still uninhabited. Ms. Saraki had come out into the yard, yelling that they were ruining her property. Despite this, when Yuuko’s family fell into a tough spot financially, she was willing to part ways with some money until they were stable again.

As Yuuri walked past her home, he wondered how she would have reacted if she knew about Kyle. She’d probably go on a rant about her ex-husband and how men like him were garbage and that Kyle was probably just like him. She probably wouldn’t have even noticed that it was two boys until later on. Ms. Saraki would probably be washing her dishes, long after the conversation would have ended when she’d realized.

There was also the Kigiri family. Their son, Fumihiro, still lived with them, even though he was nearly thirty. They were sick of him, Yuuri knew. He’d heard them talking about Fumihiro a few weeks ago. They were sitting on their porch. They didn’t understand how Fumihiro’s younger sister, Isamu, had managed to grow up, go to university, graduate, get a job and start a family, all before Fumihiro left the house.

If they found out about Kyle, the first thing they would notice is that Kyle and Yuuri were both boys. That was wrong. They were devout Catholics, and very traditional, too. They’d try to convert him so he could be ‘saved’.

There was also the Suzuki family. That was Yuuko’s family. He hadn’t spoken to her as much as he should. He’d been an awful friend lately. He’d blown her off to hang out with Kyle on more than one occasion. She had been avoiding him these past few weeks. Yuuri didn’t blame her.

If Yuuko found out, she’d be furious. She would finally know where Yuuri had been all this time. Not only had he been saying he’d been studying, meaning he lied, but with a man of all people. She would wonder why it couldn’t have just been Kaori instead. Then she would at least have a normal liar on her hands.

Yuuri’s semi-good mood suddenly vanished. He was hurting so many people, but he couldn’t let them see the real him and if he didn’t show them who he really was, he could never apologize. His parents deserved better. Mari deserved better. Yuuko deserved better. Takeshi deserved better. Fukase deserved better. Yukito deserved better. Kaori deserved better. Kyle deserved better.

Everyone in the world deserved better than what he could ever give them. Yuuri wasn’t good enough for anyone.

Yuuri sped home after making that realization. He tried not to tear up. He was a boy and boys didn’t cry. He wouldn’t do it.

In addition to that, letting anyone in the inn see him upset could send Ryuki Tanomara toppling down. He couldn’t afford that.

Yuuri managed to keep it together, reminding himself that even if he deserved better, Kyle still loved him. He had someone to fall back on. He knew he did. He had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmm mhmmm hmmmmm
> 
> sorry for another long wait. ive basically given up any hope of having a schedule and just write when i have ideas.
> 
> sorry for this chapter being short also (a measly 1547 words). something is better than nothing i guess. this chapter served its purpose. its filler more than anything and sets the scene for what is coming up soon. ill let you ponder on what that is based on whats been said in this chapter.
> 
> anyhow dont do drugs. thanks for reading. as always, i love feedback and will always try to reply asap.
> 
> if you notice any spelling, grammer, formatting errors, dont hesitate to tell me. i dont have a beta reader and i dont always catch those errors.


End file.
